Truth Through A Veil
by rubberducky3399
Summary: After Driving Miss Gilmore, Lorelai finally just gets up the courage to ask luke something, but it's not the real question she wants to ask him, it's just a mask. Does sorry make that whole month of nothing at all better? finished!
1. Tired and Crying

I am such a freaking liar. How dare I keep writing! How, dare, I! Well I felt like writing and I thought I would wait to have this story all written up, but I decided to let you all read the first part. Now I would like to say that this story was started after Driving Miss Gilmore, and I had not watched the Season Finale yet. So just go with that, and pretend that Partings never happened, but when I'm done with you, you'll be begging for it to have happened! Not really, but I wish I could have you doing that. On with the story!

_Disclaimer: I may have lied about retiring, but I am not lying when I say that don't own Gilmore Girls. I also can't afford to buy a Mother's Day card for my wonderful mother, so that's my proof that I don't own Gilmore Girls. Plus, if I did, I would have known what was going to happen in Partings, and I would have changed it so that Lorelai went home at the end of the night, and not to Christopher's._

**Chapter 1: Tired and Crying **

Lorelai was tired. She was tired of work. She was tired of being up trying to think of ways to avoid Luke the next day. She was tired of not being able to tell him that she wanted to be in April's life. She was just tired of pretending to live the perfect life she had always dreamed of.

"So, will I see you tonight?" Luke asked over the phone. It had been a week since she had lied to him and told him that there was a staff meeting. She was running out of excuses to give him to make him stay away from her.

"Uh…maybe, I'm busy so I might be staying late." she said, avoiding the real truth to why she wouldn't be seeing him.

"Well I don't have to get up early tomorrow, so I could spend the night at you place." he suggested. _My place? _She thought. _Since when has it been my place? He paid for the remodeling, which is supposed to be for both of us. Shouldn't it be our house and not just mine? _She asked herself.

"Sure, I guess. You know, looking at the staff now, I think I'll be able to leave on time." she said, covering up her lying. Luke didn't notice a thing.

"Ok, so I'll see you around four or five?" he asked.

"Uh…sure. See you then." she said.

"Ok, bye."

"Bye Luke." she said, just wanting to get the conversation over with.

They both hung up and Lorelai let out a huge sigh that she had unintentionally holding in. she then walked into the kitchen to purge herself of self-loath with a nice warm cup of coffee with just a tad bit of cream.

* * *

She wanted to be there for him and April. She normally wouldn't care what Anna thought, but she had hit close to home with the single mom speech and Lorelai knew what that was about, she knew what it was like to have to tiptoe around the people you daughter has in her life just so she doesn't get hurt. Lorelai knew how it worked, how the world revolves around the child, and never around what anyone else wants, so she knew that she would never be truly part of April's life until she married Luke. 

That was another point. She was only engaged to Luke, she wasn't married, and there was a difference. Maybe Anna was right. Maybe she wasn't meant to be with Luke. Maybe Luke was just meant to be a father and not a husband. Why did he have to choose? Why, because that's the way the world works, you make choices and sacrifices. But if Luke had to choose between April and Lorelai, Lorelai knew she would be the one being thrown in the discard pile. Luke would pick his daughter over her, which Lorelai found completely wrong. Why should he have to choose? It was Anna's fault from the start that she was a single mother, so why should Luke have to suffer by giving up the one thing he had been working towards for the past ten years? Why couldn't he have his cake and eat it too?

"Lorelai, I brought home food." Luke said as he walked through the front door with a few bags in his hand. He didn't hear a response so he walked into the kitchen. He found Lorelai eating Chinese food at the table. She was wearing her glasses, her pajama bottoms with every imaginable dog breed on them (which she insisted on getting when they got Paul Anka so that he might get acquainted with the appearance of other dogs), and was doing some paper work while trying to fidget with a calculator.

"Ah! Stupid piece of shit!" she yelled as she threw the calculator against the wall. It broke into little pieces as Lorelai started to cry. She obviously didn't notice Luke had just come in.

"Lorelai?" Luke question as he stood in the kitchen door way.

"Oh, hey Luke." she said, drying her eyes quickly and turning around to face him.

"You ok?" he asked.

"Yeah, just a little technical difficulty with the calculator. Our accountant was feeling lazy so I have to add up all these big numbers and do something with the thing and some more numbers, and again with the thing, for last month, and then this month, and then the drains have squirrels in them"

"The drains have squirrels in them?"

"well no, but Sookie was using that phrase earlier to describe something and this seemed like the perfect situation to say that there are squirrels in the drains, and well then I have to figure out how to fire sandy, and then Ray, and the gardener has allegedly been having sex in the closet during work hours with Maria, who I have to fire now, and my day is just…eh!" she said, expressing all of her frustration.

"I'm sorry, do you need anything? I see you've already eaten." he stated, gesturing towards the 4 out of 5 empty Chinese food cartons.

"Oh, yeah, I was hungry and I need to eat in order to think, so I just ordered some food to tide me over until later." she answered.

"Ok, well are you sure you're ok?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine, so tell me about your day." she said, quickly changing the subject.

"Well Anna called, and she's getting over the birthday party thing, and she wants me to watch April for the weekend. I'm thinking I'll take her camping and fishing, and just some other stuff."

"Oh, that sounds fun." Lorelai said, looking down. Was he trying to make up for those 12 or 13 years that he missed? Of course he was.

"Can I tag along?" Lorelai asked unexpectedly.

"Well, I just wanted it to be an April and me thing, and plus the whole Anna thing." he said as he sat down and pulled out the salad he had packed for himself.

"Ok" she answered as she looked back down at her papers.

She thought for a moment. And then looked at Luke.

"Luke?"

"Yeah?" he said, not looking up from his food.

"Do you want to try for a baby?" she asked. She had been thinking about this for the longest time, but she hadn't gotten up the nerve to voice the thought until now.

Luke spit up his food, and then questioned her with "what?"

"Well I was thinking about it and I'm not getting any younger, and a baby would be nice."

"Lorelai, we're not even married yet. And I still haven't gotten used to the whole April situation."

"Luke, you should know that it does take a wedding ring and some ceremony to create a child." she said in a tone of annoyance. How dare he make her wait! _How dare he make me think that I am in the wrong yet again!_

"Well maybe we can just wait a bit until we are, and then we can provide a stable home for a child. I mean, this is crazy. Where are you getting this from? You know that we aren't ready for a child." he said, in tone that only expressed his feeling that this idea was ridiculous and just plain insane.

"But when Luke? When will we be ready? You say you aren't comfortable with the whole April situation, but when will you be comfortable with it? And how are we not stable enough for a child? We make enough money, we're both financially stable, why can't we have a baby Luke?" she was starting to get emotional over this. She was getting frustrated over this. She was getting annoyed over this. And she was getting upset over this.

"Lorelai, come on, you know as well as I do that it will take some time with April. I've told you that, and that's why you decided to postpone the wedding. And how are we stable for a child? Why can't we wait a while for a baby? You know I want kids with you, but what's wrong with waiting?" he asked. Lorelai stood up and threw her pen on the table. She glared at Luke shortly and then stormed out of the room.

"Lorelai!" Luke yelled after her as she went into the living room. "Lorelai!" he repeated. Lorelai stopped in front of the couch and turned around.

"I'm tired of waiting!" she yelled as three tears cascaded down her cheeks. Luke was stunned. Did she want a baby this bad? No, she couldn't. There must be a reason behind all of this, why was she acting like this?

"Lorelai, what is really going on?" he asked, calmly and compassionately.

"You! I'm tired of waiting for you, Luke! That's what's going on! Now if you don't mind, I have to go grab some things from the store." she said as she walked to the door and went to grab her purse.

"Lorelai, please, talk to me. Tell me why you are acting this way." he asked.

"Luke, you were always able to tell how I was feeling, if I was having bad day, you could always tell from the look on my face, and you were always willing to just go with it, and let me have that 18th cup of coffee without argument, but what now? You don't even notice when I go from ecstatic to disappointment. You loved me before, does that mean that you don't love me anymore?" she asked. She was a foot away from him. She was looking straight into his blue eyes, which were only making it harder for her to keep the tears in.

Luke saw the pain. He saw it all in that one little speech. He grabbed her hard on the arm and pulled her in. her lips crashed into his hard and she was slightly surprised, but once that wore off, she pulled back.

"Luke, I just…I need some time…to think about all of this. I just really need to get that stuff at the store." she said suddenly as she rushed out of the house and out to her jeep. She got in and drove in the direction of New Haven.

* * *

Why did she do it? Why did she ask him? She just left him standing there. He was just standing there, slowly trying to let it all sink in. why had all of this happened to them. 

Luke had fed Paul Anka, neatened up the kitchen, and slept on the couch because he found it impossible to sleep in the bed after what had happened--it just didn't seem right. He had of course taken her pillow, just so he wouldn't forget her smell.

Lorelai however had driven to Rory's apartment. She had gone up the apartment door, rung the bell, been welcomed in by both Rory and Logan, and then received the couch to sleep on.

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**So what do you guys think? Any good? I'm going to try and get some more written (meaning a lot) before I post the next chapter. If you don't like it, or think that I could improve, please just say it and I'll change the story or mistakes, or maybe even dress like a clown and join a circus, your choice. Just let the pretty little Blue button into your heart, and you'll be my hero. Please review, it'll make my writing actually seem worth it.**


	2. Home, Home and Away!

So Ducky sucks. I know that I haven't posted in the past week, and you're all probably thinking that I need to hurry up and update...well, here I am, updating. this isn't the best chapter ever, but it should last you a bit...meaning I'm not going to be able to post anymore for a while, so here's you last bit of Ducky for the time being. Anyway, I've been putting off homework all day long to write this story, so here you go, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I've been told by my parents that I don't own my bed, my room, my TV, my laptop, my clothes. even the food I buy with my own money, I don't have the right to refuse to go to church, I can't put homework before housework, I can't talk to a guy without my parents doing a full background check, and yet, you still think I own Gilmore Girls? Even if I did, I don't' think I would because my parents would just take it away along with my pretty laptop, so no, I do not own Gilmore Girls. Get over it.

**Chapter 2:Home, Home and Away!**

Why there? Why to Rory? Why not to Hartford? Why not to Chris's place? Why not to a hotel? Why not to that creepy bed and breakfast, oh yeah, because she wasn't breaking off the engagement technically.

Maybe because she still felt that going to Chris might be betraying Luke in some respect, while going to her parents was almost always out of the question. Rory's just seemed so much more familiar and Lorelai could always depend on her daughter to be there for her. Maybe it was something she had been able to do before, and now relying on her daughter was just a habit when it came to problems with Luke. Maybe, maybe not.

"so we have Lucky Charms, Cheerios, Captain Crunch, toast, cheese, left over KFC chicken with I think some mashed potatoes and some macaroni and cheese, and of course, the trusty pop tarts." Rory listed off the food choices to her mother.

"Well with choices like that, I don't know what I order. Do you serve apples?" she asked. Rory opened her eyes wider than most thought possible.

"Mom! You're craving apples!" she said. Lorelai looked at her sadly.

"Rory, there's no way that I'm pregnant. To be pregnant, I would have needed to have had sex in the past few months, and I think that is one of the things on my list of 'things I haven't done in the past few months', so I'm good, just having weird cravings." she stated sadly.

"I'm sorry mom, are you and Luke really doing that badly?" she asked concernedly.

"Yeah, and I ask him last night." she said.

"You asked him what?" Rory asked.

"I asked him if he wanted to start trying for a baby." Lorelai said as she bit into the apple Rory just handed her.

"You actually asked him? I take it, it went bad, seeing as you ended up here." she said.

"Yeah, he went into the whole April issue and how he's still getting used to it and how we aren't ready for a baby, but he doesn't get it, Rory. He doesn't get how much I want a baby, how much I just want everything to be normal."

"Mom, you know as well as I, if not more, that a baby does not fix all of the problems." Rory said.

"And I know that, it's just…I want everything to go back to what it used to be. I want Luke to be able to read my mind, I want to be able to freak out about craving apples, I want to just be able to tell Luke I love him without thinking that maybe he doesn't feel the same way." Lorelai said as she munched on the last bite of apple.

"Just give him some time mom."

"Rory, I've given him enough time, and now I want Luke back. I just can't handle holding it in anymore. And I just want to have that fairy tale life, however stupid it sounds. I want to be able to be in every aspect of Luke's life without hesitation or the thought that someone is watching me and making sure I don't screw up." Lorelai said.

"Well tell him that." Rory advised.

"But I can't just force my way into his life."

"Mom, since when have you not forced your way into his life? You have always done that, so go tell him how you feel now." Rory advised again.

"I guess I should. Well, I have to get home, change, and get ready for work. Thanks for the pep talk, it actually helped." Lorelai said.

"Well good. See ya, mom." Rory responded as Lorelai grabbed her purse from the couch and walked towards the door.

"Bye sweets. See you Friday at dinner tonight?" Lorelai asked.

"Yep." Rory asked.

"See you later." Lorelai said as she walked out the door, leaving Rory to deal with the undressed Logan waiting for her to join him in the shower.

* * *

Why did it have to be like this? Why? Lorelai had been pondering all of what had happened and how she knew that it was bound to happen sometime. She had to explode and express her feelings sometime, but why now? Why did he react like that? Why did he not understand that she wanted to be a part of his life? At the moment, she wasn't.

"Hello, Dragonfly Inn, this is Lorelai speaking." Lorelai said for the tenth time that day. She had made it to the house without running into Luke. Now she was at work, waiting for lunch to come so she could stop ignoring Luke and go talk to him.

"Hello, I would like to reserve a room for one please." a male voice said over the phone.

"What day are you making this reservation for?" Lorelai asked sweetly.

"The 10th and the 11th, please." the male voice answered.

"And what name should I put the reservation under?" Lorelai asked.

"Mariano, Jess." he answered. Lorelai was caught off guard. She didn't know why he would be coming to Stars Hallow, but she quickly recovered from her shock.

"Ok, so the 10th and the 11th for one Jess Mariano."

"Lorelai"

"Jess, what are you doing reserving a room here? Aren't you down in Pennsylvania?" Lorelai asked.

"Yeah, but I decided to visit Liz for a couple days. And yes, I am living in Pennsylvania now." he answered.

"Ok, does Liz know this?"

"No, I thought I'd surprise her, so try not to let it slip." he ask. It amazed Lorelai how much Jess had grown up. He didn't sound like he had any ulterior motive, so he must really be trying to turn around all aspects of his life, including family.

"Ok."

"Oh, and Luke knows I'm coming up for those two days." jess added.

"Ok, so just don't tell Liz." Lorelai stated.

"Yes, just don't tell Liz. Oh, and thanks Lorelai."

"It's nothing, you're almost family anyways." She said, but she had tears coming to her eyes when she said that. She knew that she would never be family because she was never getting married. Luke was always going to be keeping her at arms length. He would never let her in fully.

"Thanks, well I'm gonna go, tell Rory I said hi."

"I will, bye jess."

"bye." and then they both hung up. Lorelai wiped her eyes, making sure none of her makeup had smudged, and then checked the clock. It was 11:47, late enough for her to take her lunch. She grabbed her purse and headed for the diner. She had some talking to do.

* * *

Why did the diner have to be so crowded? It seemed that everyone that lived in stars hollow had suddenly lost the ability to cook for themselves and had decided to pay Luke to do it for them. Why was it that whenever Lorelai needed to talk to Luke, he was busy, or he was in the middle of something, or the town decided to just pop in to ruin that little chance she might have gotten if they all had just stayed home that day.

"Luke." Lorelai shouted loudly as she walked in the door. It really was one of those days that the diner could truly be compared to a zoo, and no one would hesitate to agree. Even Taylor was acting more like a donkey than he normally did.

Luke turned around out of habit and then saw the determined look on her face. He didn't know if that was good or bad, but he knew he was probably about to find out soon.

"Lorelai?" he questioned. He didn't think that she would be coming in this soon after last night. Maybe she had made up her mind and didn't want him anymore. Maybe he was getting too old for her life, maybe she wanted someone more exciting and with one less kid.

"Can we talk?" she ordered the sentence more than asked, so Luke knew his answer would immediately be a yes.

"Sure, but can we try and make it short because I'm kind of busy" he said. He didn't want to say yes because she seemed somewhat angry.

"Oh, this won't take that much time." I hope, she thought.

"Upstairs then." he told her. "Caesar, I'm going upstairs for a few minutes!" Luke shouted into the kitchen. He swore he heard the faint whining of his cook in response to what he had just said.

He followed Lorelai up the stairs and into his old (and maybe soon to be current) apartment.

"You wanted to talk?" he asked.

"Luke, when was the last time you touched me?" she asked him.

"What?" he asked.

"I mean, besides last night, when was the last time that you touched me?" she asked.

"Lorelai." Luke said in a somewhat warning tone.

"No, Luke! When was the last time you touched me!" she yelled at him as she started to get frustrated at his obstinate behavior. Luke was taken aback by her yelling. He didn't know how to respond.

"Where are you going with this?" he questioned.

"The last time you touched me, was the last time we really talked, the last time you truly let me in your life, and now you don't even take me seriously when I say I want a baby!" she exasperated.

"Lorelai, I do take you seriously, I just don't think it's time." he said.

"Luke, if we don't get our lives started now, I'm afraid we never will! I terrified that you will just leave and…" she couldn't say it, she couldn't say that she thought that Luke would choose Anna and April over her. She couldn't tell him that.

"What?" he asked, knowing she had something else to say.

"Goddamn you Luke! I just want to be able to be close to someone! I want to be able to have someone rely on me, I want to be able to know that when I wake up, the baby will still be there, inside of me, growing!" she said.

"Lorelai, you are blowing this way out of proportion." he told her.

"How am I Luke? How am I blowing this way out of proportion? Is this not something we should be discussing? Well I'm here, discussing my feelings with you, because that's what _good_ couples do, and you're just shooting me down, like I'm overreacting." she said.

"Lorelai, you are overreacting." he said, trying to stay calm.

"Ah! You are so damn frustrating! And to think the reason I came here hasn't even been fully mentioned yet!" she said to herself.

"What? Then tell me, why are you here?" he asked.

"Because--"she started.

"Luke, Taylor's putting up signs for some festival on the window now." Caesar yelled up the stairs.

"I'll be down in a minute!" Luke yelled back.

"And now he's having Kirk dance in a flower costume all through the diner." Caesar added.

"Kirk!" Luke yelled as he ran down the stairs.

"He even chooses Kirk over me, wow, what a life." Lorelai sighed to herself.

She walked slowly down the stairs. And when she got to the bottom, she saw Luke chasing Kirk down the street. She figured that she wasn't going to get enough time for her actual lunch and to wait for Luke, so she decided to leave. But first: "Caesar, can I get some fries and a burger to go?"

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**Hello everyone! So here is chapter two, like it or not, please tell me. You know you want to...Press the damn button! Sorry, just a bit tired, so press the button and the caffeine Ducky's system will stop giving her a headache. Hope you liked the chapter, please review, you know I have more for you to read...so the more reviews, the more I write. Yippy! Right? **


	3. Bell Ringers and Tear Bringers

So I would like to say that I am thankful towards my dear friend Robin, for looking this story over, and of course, being my Beta. You are the best person ever! Woohooo! Come on, let's all cheer her on! I mean, if it wasn't for her, I would probably give up on this story, so she's saved your sanity, otherwise, you would never know how the story ends. I would also like to say that I just finished my HUGE chemistry project last night which is part of my final, so let's all thank my friend Maggie for helping me survive through that and telling me how to get pictures onto the site (did I tell you it was an online assignment?). Go Maggie! I have about two more weeks of school, then finals, and then...SUMMER! Yay! But I still have two presentations on Tuesday, one in French, one in chemistry, and well...I think that I'm only able to do that is by keeping sane which is done by writing for all of you, and getting all of your pretty pretty reviews. So thank you! All of you! And I would like to know if anyone else listens to David Roth? No? Yes? Am I insane? And imagining that it's good music?

_Disclaimer: uh...I don't own anything, including Gilmore Girls. Merry Christmas...oh...wait, that's not for a while...well happy third chapter of Truth Through a Veil day! Is that better?_

**Chapter 3: Bell Ringers and Tear Bringers**

"Hurry up; I'm closing in 10 minutes." Luke said as the bell rung. He didn't even look up to see who it was.

"It might take a bit longer than that." Lorelai said quietly. She sounded defeated and quite exhausted.

"Lorelai?"

"No, just Quasimodo, just came to ring the bell." she quipped.

"I didn't think that you would…you would come in, after earlier I mean." he said.

"Well I decided that hell isn't enough, I would like a second helping please." she joked.

"Lorelai--" he started but Lorelai interrupted. He wanted to tell her that he was sorry, and he wanted to work at this, but that a baby was still too much.

"Luke? Why do we do this? I mean, why can't we just have a normal conversation like a normal couple where there is some actual listening occurring and where everything is just put out on the table for all to see? Why can't we have that? Are we just not ready? Are we not right? Are we not good enough for each other?" she asked honestly.

"Of course we're right for each other." Luke said as he rubbed his hand on her arm which was no propped up on the counter.

"But no, we're not." she said. "You can't seem to find enough time to fit me in your other life."

"My other life?" he questioned.

"and then I can't seem to find the right way to tell you, and you're too wrapped up in this Anna and April thing, and you spend more time with Anna than you do with me, I mean, why are you marrying me and not her?" she asked.

"What? Because I love you, not her."

"But you aren't even willing to consider the possibility of a child with me. You can't stand the thought of me being a mother again, and you are hoping that if I ever do get pregnant, which by the way, if we keep up this unspoken vow of celibacy, I don't think will ever happen, but if it ever did, are you hoping that the kid doesn't turn out like me? And maybe it turns out like April? Why am I not good enough Luke?" she asked him.

"Where the hell are you getting this all from?" he asked.

"You never act as if we have all the time in the world to get married; you separate me from your like with April--"

"Because she's my child"

"But she's my soon to be step-daughter. Don't you see? We are so far from getting married that you can't even remember the fact that when we do get married, your relatives become mine, and mine become yours." she argued.

"Lorelai, you know that--"

"Luke, no. stop. You have hurt me so much in the past few months, I've tried to keep it in, but now I'm not doing it anymore! I am not going to let you waist my time! It's now, or never Luke! Pick one! Choose door number one, you get it all, the wife, the daughter, the step-daughter who you have always considered a daughter, more children in the future, someone to wake up to, a reason to get up in the morning, and most of all, when you go to those graves every week to replace the flowers, you will be able to say 'hey mom, hey dad, guess what, I did what you said I would do, I ended up with someone as great as you mom, and I became someone as thankful and lucky as you dad.' you get to say that, and your parents will smile down thinking that they've done their job well, they raised the son they had always dreamed that you would turn out to be. Choose number two, and you loose almost all of it. I mean, you still get the daughter, but you don't get the wife, you don't get the step-daughter, you don't get the future kids, you don't wake up to someone who loves you more than herself, you don't have much of a reason to get up in the morning, you don't get to make you're parents as proud as you could." she told him.

"Lorelai--"

"Stop 'Lorelai'ing me! I want an answer! Screw Anna! I deserve to know my future step-daughter! You deserve to introduce me to her again! And to beg me for help when you need the help! You deserve that Luke! I deserve that! I want that! I need that!" she ranted.

"Am I interrupting anything?" Lorelai turned around to see Anna standing with her eyebrows raised, with April standing next to her holding a duffle bag.

"Ah, no…we were just…uh…" Luke didn't know how to answer that.

"April, here's ten dollars, run to Doose's and buy yourself all the candy you want because Luke probably won't be giving you much this weekend." Anna said, handing over the money.

"Sure, I'll get to check out the other things they have there too." April said, realizing the more time she spent in Doose's, the better.

Once April was out the door, Anna's face turned into one of hate and anger.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean those things I said about you" Lorelai tried to apologize. "It's just that time of the month and I'm feeling a bit testy, and very angry." Lorelai threw a glare at Luke.

"No, I think that you did mean it, and what's more is that it was said in front of April." Anna said.

"I didn't know she was there, if I did, I most certainly wouldn't have said those things, I know what it's like to be stuck on the other end of these kinds of situations." Lorelai said.

"Luke, you said that it was only you going on this trip with April." Anna said, changing the hatred towards him.

"And I am." Luke answered quickly.

"Then why is she here?" she referred to Lorelai, then she looked at Lorelai and spoke to her. "I know you seem nice and all and I'm able to forget the things said earlier, but again, I can't play around with the people in my kid's life. I can't have April on this trip with the both of you, especially seeing as how your relationship doesn't seem to be going well." Anna said. Lorelai, realizing that Anna was right, she turned to Luke.

"Luke, I'm tired, I have to go, but before I leave, I want to know, is it door one or two? I want to know whether my tears are even worth it tonight." she said.

"Lorelai, can't we talk about this some other time?" he asked, not wanting this all put out in front of Anna.

"No! No, it can't wait! I've waited for months now, I've postponed the wedding, given up so much, so no, it can't wait!" she said in anger.

"Lorelai--"

"Fine, number two it is." she said as she walked towards the door. "I hope you realize that after Frollo had kept Quasimodo up in the bell tower for so many years, away from the real world and Frollo's life, that Frollo ends up dying in the end." Lorelai said, hopping Luke would get the symbolism.

"Lorelai--" Luke pleaded, still wanting to be able to just give things time, but have Lorelai there with him to help when he needed it.

"Goodbye Luke." Lorelai said as she walked out and did her duty as bell ringer for the last time.

* * *

She walked to half way to her house before the tears that she had been crying became too much for her. She decided a nice sit on the hard sidewalk might do her some good. 

The moment she sat down though, her head started thinking dozens of thoughts, all about Luke. She didn't want to face the fact that it was her fault, yet again. There went that baby out the door. There went the future happiness out the door also. Why did life have to fuck with her mind so much?

She got up a few seconds later, and decided to go to the bridge. She didn't want to have to go home. She just wanted to be where she could think, but yet not have to think at all.

"What did I do wrong?" she asked herself out loud. "Why couldn't this have happened to someone else? Maybe someone like stupid Sherry, or that stupid woman at the B&B, but not me! What have I ever done to you!" she yelled at the sky. She dropped her head in her hands. She sat down at the bridge, and tried covering her legs with her dress. It wasn't big enough so she just rocked herself back and forth trying to keep warm as a semi-heavy rain started to come down. She thought of how Luke was probably helping April with her homework, or maybe even packing some of his stuff up while letting April watch a movie.

April was supposed to spend the night and then go on the trip the next morning with Luke. Why could Lorelai have been a part of that? Was she too toxic and radical with her insane ways of entertaining people?

Lorelai sobbed some more as her dress became soaked and her makeup began to run. There went her mask. Her hair was now soaked and sticking to her skin. She didn't know why, but she just wanted to jump in the water and drown. She didn't want to have to deal with this kind of thing anymore; she wanted life to be simple again.

After what seemed like forever, she pulled herself together and walked home. She stopped when she got to the chuppah. There was the goat? What did she name it? She couldn't remember, but she remembered Luke coming over and fixing it. He was always nice like that. He always helped her, he always loved her. She walked up onto the porch and tried to open the door. It was locked. Oh yea, Luke had been the last one out. She grabbed the turtle and found the key. She pulled it out and unlocked the door. She would never know why Luke was so cautious now.

She dropped the key and her purse on the table near the door. She then walked slowly up the stairs, only to fall asleep in tears two hours later.

* * *

"Ok, I got some Twizzlers, Snickers, Twinkies, and an apple, as required by you, and I'm ready to go." April said. The previous night she had been walking back to the diner with food, just as Lorelai walked out of the diner. About two yards away from the diner, April could hear Lorelai start to sob, but she just kept on walking. What had her mother and father done? She had Lorelai telling Luke to 'screw Anna!' but she knew her mother would only yell to defend the 'innocence' of her 'baby' April. She had walked into the diner, where she found her mother looking oddly at Luke. When they both spotted her, they tried to act normal but April knew something was up. Her mother had pulled Luke outside for a few minutes and then left. April had a feeling that her mother had laid down some rules or had chastised him for doing whatever he had done earlier. 

When he had come in, she was told that she could go upstairs and watch some TV or 'whatever' because he had to clean up. April took that as "I'm tired, and I need to process what the hell just happened" she just grabbed her bag and went quickly up the stairs.

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Hey! So what do you think? Any predictions? Any suggestions? Any hate reviews? I love them all! Oh! Here's the best quote ever "I'm going to marry you just to piss you off." Someone I know said that to one of my guy friends and I thought you should all know. So please review so when I'm about to die from too much caffeine (I didn't know that there was such a thing until last night), I'll at least die happy. Review!


	4. Lick the Pain Away

Hey!So Ducky decided to be nice and instead of start her homework and confirm some plans with her parents, she would post a new chapter for you! So, sing a song, dance around, do whatever you do to celebrate and get happy! Come on! Don't leave the Ducky alone! Ok, soI'm done my presentations that were bugging me earlier, so I'm feeling a bit less stressed, and I would like to say thank you to Robin and all of my wonderful reviewers! You guys make this story what it is, andI think that there is nothing nicer and kinder than giving a review to a Duck who has to go to school. Who agrees? And I would like to state that I was going to only post about two thirds of this, but I thought that you might like it if I posted more. I will be done with school in about two weeks, and then I'm spending a week in Maine, and then, I'll be back to write as much as I can and post as fast as I can! And this, my friends, is why we celebrate summer! So now I know you all want to get to the story, so here you go!

_Disclaimer:Bite me._

**Chapter 4: Lick the Pain Away**

She felt something licking her. She thought that maybe last night was a dream; maybe last night had all just been an imagined worst case scenario. Maybe this was Luke waking her up, wait, Luke didn't lick. Luke would kiss her when he was there, not lick.

She opened her eyes to see Paul Anka staring at her. She quickly sat up and then it hit her: last night was not a dream. It was all real, and hell was a reality.

She lightly pushed Paul Anka away and pulled the covers away from herself. She didn't want to get up, but this time, she had to face the world and at least pretend she was ok. As much as she didn't care what other people said, she knew it would be easier if she just tried to burry herself in her work.

She lifted herself out of bed, and headed towards the bathroom. She stripped herself of her clothes as she entered the bathroom, and looked in the mirror. She saw the disgusting skinny figure in the mirror. She hadn't been eating well lately due to the fact that she didn't really want to. What was the point? So now she was left with the body that was ten or fifteen pounds less than her own. Her face was covered in dried, smudged makeup, while her feet and legs were covered in dirt from the bridge. Her hair was in knots and oily. She felt so numb inside but forced herself to get ready for work. She slowly got into the shower. She turned on the water, which was cold. She didn't even change the temperature; the cold might be the only thing she could feel at that moment, so she wanted to preserve that.

She could feel the disgusting dirt and filth wash away from her body. She saw the black and brown tinted stream of water go down the drain as she pulled the soap to her body. She felt the bubbles tingle on her skin as the shampoo (which she didn't remember putting in her hair) was rinsed from her hair. All of this seemed like slow motion, but in reality, only took about ten minutes. She looked down at her now pale skin. Her body looked like a ghost; maybe this was why Luke didn't want to marry her. Maybe he thought she was just some pasty looking skinny girl who wasn't worthy of spending the rest of her life with him. Maybe he saw the disgusting eating habits and odd sense of style. Maybe he saw it all and had deemed it unworthy of his life.

She felt the warm tears fall from her face, onto her breast and down her abdomen. She hadn't noticed she had been crying throughout the shower until now when she could feel the warmth of the salty tears streaming from her eyes onto the rest of her skin.

She quickly grabbed the towel and tried to push this feeling from her body. She wanted to feel numb again. She wanted to be able to walk through life as a zombie. She wanted to be able to forget everything including Rory, Sookie, and her dream of more children which was gone anyways.

She wrapped the towel around herself and semi-dried herself off. She then walked to the bedroom to find clothes for work. She picked out a quick dress and some underwear. She slipped the clothes on and put her half soaked hair up in a pony tail. She grabbed a light sweater, and went downstairs to get her keys and purse.

------------------------

Luke didn't know what he was doing. He packed a few things and went to go get April. She had been doing her homework outside because she claimed "fresh air stimulates the brain".

"April!" Luke shouted from the stairs. The spring breeze carrying the sound out the door to April's ears.

"Yeah?" she yelled back.

"Time to go!" he yelled, carrying his and April's bags down the stairs.

"ok." she said, gathering her things up and putting them back into her binder. "so where are we going, again?" April asked.

"We're going to a camping spot that me and my family used to go when I was younger." he told her as he threw the bags in the back of the truck. April jumped in the passenger's side of the truck while Luke went to the opposite side.

"So how far away is it?" April asked.

"Uh…about 30 minutes away, but I have to stop in Litchfield to pick some things up from the store." he added.

"Ok." April said as she pulled out a book.

"What're you reading?" Luke asked.

"Much Ado About Nothing." she answered.

"What?" Luke questioned.

"Shakespeare." she elaborated.

"Oh." Luke said, not knowing how he should respond to his daughter reading something contain words he had no idea had ever existed. He decided to let the conversation go and drove off.

------------------------

"Lorelai, are you ok?" Sookie asked.

Lorelai didn't hear her and kept staring out the kitchen window.

"Lorelai? Lorelai did you hear me?" she asked, shouting now. Lorelai jumped and dropped the glass of water in her hand.

"Oh! What?" she asked.

"I asked if you're ok." Sookie said with a concerned look on her face.

"Uh, yeah. Peachy. And you?" she said, trying to change he subject.

"You are not fine." her friend told her. "What's wrong?" she asked suspiciously.

"I have no clue what you're talking about." Lorelai told her as she tried to clean up the glass that was now all over the floor.

"Yes you do, now what's wrong?" she asked again.

"Lorelai, someone is on the phone for you." Michel interrupted.

"Oh, ok. Be there in two seconds." Lorelai said, lifting herself off the floor and walking out to the front desk. Sookie decided to follow her.

"Lorelai, you didn't answer my question." Sookie said.

"Well I don't have time." Lorelai replied, trying to get Sookie to leave her alone. How was she supposed to forget it all if all people wanted to do was get her to remember it?

"Lorelai--" Sookie started. Lorelai held up her hand as if to say 'I'm busy, be quiet'.

"Hello, dragonfly inn." Lorelai answered the phone.

"Oh, hey jess." she said. "Oh, ok, yep, that's fine. I can fit you in another day. Ok, well I'm looking forward to seeing you. Ok, bye." she said as she finished the conversation.

"Lorelai--" Sookie tried again.

"Oh crap." Lorelai said, looking at the clock. "I have a meeting with the bank in Litchfield in twenty minutes. I have to go. Michel, cover for me." Lorelai said as she rushed out the door. Avoiding Sookie would be harder than she thought.

------------------------------

Lorelai had made it there in less than ten minutes and decided to stop at one of the gas stations quickly to get a snack. She pulled into one of the two parking spaces next to a green truck that looked like Luke's, but what would he be doing here? Wasn't he going camping with April? Oh wait, there was April. Lorelai saw the 13 year old sitting in the passenger's seat, reading some book. The sight reminded her of Rory when she was April's age, actually, it reminded her of Rory when she was any age.

She decided to go inside in spite of the fact that Luke was probably in there. She walked up to the door, opened it up, and went inside. She immediately saw Luke getting a bottle of water. He had his back turned to her, so she quickly ducked behind the closest isle to her. She found herself right in front of the chips, so she just grabbed a bag, making sure that Luke, who looked like he was heading to the door, didn't see her. She started walking quickly down the isle when she heard someone call her name.

"Lorelai?" it was Luke. _I guess he wasn't leaving. _She thought.

"Luke." Lorelai said when she turned around.

"What…what are you doing here?" he asked her.

"I have a meeting here at the bank. What about you?" she asked, wanting to just get out of there. She was having flashbacks of last night, and this morning, looking in the mirror. This was all her fault but she didn't want to have to think about it.

"We had to get gas, I wanted a bottle of water and April wanted some chips." he answered truthfully.

"You let her eat that stuff?" Lorelai said.

"Well, she doesn't get it that often, so, I think its ok." he said, getting defensive.

"not that I don't agree, I mean…I eat junk food all the time, it's just, you always tell me that it's bad, and you try and get me to stop, and well I didn't think that you would want our…I mean, I didn't think that you would want your kid eating it either." she rambled, catching herself before she mentioned what neither wanted to hear. Luke didn't know how to respond. He noticed when Lorelai was about to mention "the kids" but he tried to forget it.

"Well, I gotta…" Lorelai started. She pointed to the food behind her. "I better get my stuff and head to the meeting." she said as she started to walk backwards slowly.

"Uh…ok, bye." Luke said as she disappeared behind the end of the isle.

Luke went up and paid for his food, and went back out to the truck.

"here." he said, handing April her chips.

"thanks." she said, opening the bag up. "I saw Lorelai, was she coming? Was she supposed to meet us here?" April probed.

"Uh…no. It was just an accident." he said, the memory of the previous night, still in his mind.

"Da…I mean Luke?" April started. She caught herself before calling him dad. She didn't know if she was allowed to, but over the past few months, Luke had become a dad to her and she now realized that it was not his fault that he couldn't be in her life until now--it was her mother's.

Luke noticed the almost slip that April made. He had never heard her call him dad or even part of the word, but it caught him off guard.

"Yeah?" was all he could say.

"What happened between you two last night?" she said.

"what do you mean?" he asked, trying to pretend he had no idea what she was talking about.

"Luke, I was there last night. I'm not stupid. I heard Lorelai talking about my mother." she said. Luke hesitated, but decided to answer honestly.

"She wanted me to…she wanted me to get married right away, wanted me to stop waiting." he said.

"Waiting?" April asked.

"I, uh…after I found out that you were my daughter, I waited two months to tell her about you, and then we postponed the wedding, but she thinks we've been waiting too long." he answered sadly, but honestly.

"So why don't you? Why don't you get married?" April asked.

"It's not that easy." Luke said.

"Yes it is, Luke. You were going to get married before she found out I was your daughter, right?" she asked.

"Yes." Luke asked, not liking where this was going.

"Well then why is it so horrible that she wants to get married now? If you already were going to get married and you already had it planned before, so why can't you get married now." even though April was 13, she did have a point, and she reminded him of a younger Rory.

"It's just complicated." was his only response.

"Which is code for 'let me handle this on my own' isn't it?" April asked, getting how he still considered her a small child who didn't need to be troubled with the Big People problems of the world.

"Yep." Luke sighed.

"Ok, guess its back to Shakespeare." April said and went back to her reading.

Just then Lorelai came out of the store. Luke was just pulling out of the parking lot, so he didn't notice as a tear streamed down her face. _I guess I can't forget all the time. _She thought to herself.

-----------------------------------------

Lorelai had gotten back from her meeting after an hour of debating a few charges that were probably made by Michel (his suits) to the Inn. She was now in her office dealing with some paper work that had been left over from the few nights ago when this thing with Luke had started.

Just then someone knocked on the door.

"Come in." Lorelai sighed.

"Lorelai." Sookie said as she walked in.

"What is it Sookie?" Lorelai asked, obviously tired.

"Lorelai, what's been going on?" she asked.

"Sookie, not now. I'm in the middle of paper work." she said as she looked back down and went back to her work.

"Lorelai, this can't wait. You've been distracted all morning, and normally at least you are explaining how much you wish you were getting married. Now you're just silent. What's happened?" Sookie asked, truly concerned about her friend.

"Sookie! I have it under control!" Lorelai yelled at her best friend. Her friend who she had known for over 15 years. Her friend who she had seen have her first child. Her friend who was always there when Lorelai was having relationship problems. Her friend that she had just yelled at.

"Well…obviously you don't." Sookie said. She was upset and hurt by the fact that Lorelai had just yelled at her. She was almost crying even. "I mean, if you're yelling at your best friend, then I don't think you do have it all under control." Sookie said. Lorelai could tell how much she had hurt Sookie.

"Sookie…I'm sorry." Lorelai said. She got up and went and gave Sookie a hug. "I've just been having some issues with Luke. It'll be fine." she lied to her best friend. She lied to her best friend while trying to comfort her. What kind of friend did that make her?

"You sure you two are fine?" Sookie asked.

"at this moment, I don't know, but we will be." she felt like she was lying to her best friend just to protect her like Lorelai had tried to protect Rory all those years and like how Anna was trying to protect April.

"So it's going to be all right?" Sookie asked.

"It'll be fine." _lying through my teeth._

"Ok. Well, I'm just going to go then, maybe cook something. Because that's what I do. I cook. Food. I cook food. Good food. And I'm gonna go now." Sookie said and then left quickly, her happy bubbly self back.

"Well that was nice." Lorelai said. She needed to stop lying to her friends and family. But that's all she had ever known.

----------------------------

**So, be nice to Ducky now, don't make me tell you annoying stories that shall bore you out of your mind. I will if you don't review...just kidding, but really, if you don't review, I'll send the penguins after you...Je faisais une blague!...no, but seriously, I'll never talk to you again if you don't review...ok, it really is just a joke. So PLEASE review, I stress the please, because demanding gets you no where in life...unless you have lots and lots of money...and in that case, demand away! OH! Best quote of the week! **_"Neil, you're my visual pleasure." _**So what do you think of the quote? Tell me in your review because I know you ALL are going to send one, right? **


	5. Reviving and Revisiting the Truth

Hey guys! I know I promised at least one of you, -cough- lolabelle26 -cough- that I would mention you, but I didn't in the last chapter. I'm sorry, and for that, I have a present for you at the end of this chapter. I would like to also thank the following people: **Pixie:** You just amuse me. **Robin:** You, beta of the fic, see-er of all things written and unposted, you keep my secrets well. **SmileyGGfan:** the penguins have decided they want to be your best friends now. **Charmedchic72:** The fish story will now be the bedtime story I tell my little brothers ever night before they go to bed. **All of mes autres reviewers: **You are the ones that keep me writing! Review on!

_Disclaimer: I hate this part of the fic, it wastes space and time, and energy I could put towards remembering to post peoples quotes, so whatever. Sue me if you must. _

**Chapter 5: Reviving and Revisiting the Truth**

"Luke, where are the bathrooms?" April asked.

"What?" he asked.

"The bathrooms. Please don't make me tell you what is done in a bathroom." April asked.

"Well…uh…there are no bathrooms." he said.

"What?" she exclaimed rather loudly.

"It's camping. We are ten minutes from town, so we just…we just use the woods." he explained rather embarrassed.

"And your parents never thought to put in a toilet or a port-a-potty?" she asked.

"no." he said, again, embarrassed.

"Ok, well then, woods, here I come." she said as she marched into the woods.

Just then Luke's phone rang. He didn't think he would get signal, so he was startled by the vibrating feeling--Lorelai's fault of course.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Hey Luke."

"Hey Jess."

"So I was planning on getting there on Friday morning and leaving Sunday night. Is that possible? Do you know if Liz is in town then?" Jess asked.

"I'm not sure…I'm sure I could make sure she is, I guess." Luke said.

"You sound distracted, where are you?" Jess asked.

"I'm out camping."

"With Lorelai? Doesn't she hate camping and anything that doesn't require electricity?" jess asked.

"Actually, I'm with April--my daughter." Luke said.

"Oh…how's it going so far?" Jess asked.

"We just got here five minutes ago, and I guess I forgot to mention that there's no bathroom." Luke said. He heard laughing coming from Jess. "It's not funny!" Luke exclaimed.

"Yes it is! Already you've screwed up! Typical you, and that's what makes it so funny." jess said.

"Of course you would find it amusing." Luke said.

"That I do. So how is everything going with Lorelai?" Jess asked. There was silence and jess was afraid he had lost connection. "Luke? You there?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm here. It's just, Lorelai and I…we kind of…we--"

"God Luke! What the hell did you do now?" Jess yelled disappointedly through the phone.

"Hey! I didn't do anything! She randomly asked if I wanted to start trying for a baby, which is just absurd because we're not married, and then yesterday she just comes into the diner, offering the ultimatum of either getting married now, or never. What was I supposed to say!" he said in desperation.

"Well first of all, by now you would have been married if you had just stuck to the plan--"

"What?" Luke didn't know that jess knew about that.

"yes, Rory told me all about the whole June 3rd thing, so you would have been married YESTERDAY, and then the whole kid thing wouldn't have mattered, and so, you should have said yes, let's get married, that's what you should have done Luke." he said.

"Jess, you have no idea what you are talking about!" Luke said angrily.

"More than you do!" jess retorted.

"I'll see you Friday. Bye." Luke said as he hung up before Jess had a chance to respond.

"Luke?" April said from behind him.

"April, hey. So you hungry?" he asked, changing his mood from angry to happy just for his daughter.

"Is that the whole story?" she asked.

"What?" he asked.

"Was that the whole story? Did she ask if you wanted to have kids and you said no, and then you turned down her wishes to get married right away?" she asked.

"Yeah…it is." he asked, knowing it was stupid trying to deny it.

"That's stupid." she said.

"What?"

"You aren't getting married because you found out about me. That's stupid. I know you are trying to be all fatherly and stuff, but to put off your wedding for that sole purpose is just stupid." she just said. Luke tried to say something, but April wasn't finished. "and I know you're about to say that it's not my business, but I just thought I'd tell you what I thought seeing as in the future, I'll be in therapy saying that it's my fault you lost the love of your life." she joked. Luke didn't know what to say except for:

"Why don't we set up the tents?" he asked.

"ok." she answered.

* * *

"How much do you want?" the old woman asked. Lorelai was standing in front of the ice cream window where Old Lady McMillan served the ice cream. She was serving a little girl about the age of four or five who could just barely see over the counter, while standing on her toes. 

"Vanilla, please." the little girl said politely.

"One scoop or two?" Lady McMillan asked.

"one." the little girl answered shyly.

"Ok, here you go. A dollar please." the old woman said. The little girl held up the dollar bill, but couldn't reach up to get her ice cream. Lorelai stepped forward, took the ice cream and handed it to the little girl.

"Here you go." Lorelai said with a smile on her face.

"Thank you." the little girl said with a smile as she turned and skipped down the street towards a woman, presumably her mother, who was looking at flowers.

"Got the ice cream?" the woman said.

"Yep, that nice lady helped me." the little girl said, pointing towards Lorelai. Her mother looked up and smiled to Lorelai, signaling a thank you with her pearly whites. Lorelai smiled back and waited until the mother and daughter had turned and walked in the other direction before ordering her own ice cream.

"And what can I get you Miss Gilmore?" the old woman said.

"Oh, the usual, only a bit more chocolate please." she said.

"Bad day?"

"More like a bad week." Lorelai responded.

"I've had a few of those in my lifetime." Lady McMillan answered.

"Well you always seem to bring a smile to everyone's faces in spite of it." Lorelai said with a smile.

"Well that comes from years of experience." Lady McMillan joked.

"I'm sure it does." Lorelai said. After a long pause Lady McMillan spoke up.

"So how are you and Luke? Expecting any little ones soon?" she said, referring to the little girl that was just there a few minutes ago.

"No, well, maybe. Me and Luke, we're having a bit of a rough patch now, he's trying to deal with the April and Anna situation." Lorelai said.

"Ah, April. Such a sweet girl. Runs over here and gets ice cream whenever she's visiting Luke." Lady McMillan talked of April with such love, even the town had grown to love April like Luke had, and deep down, Lorelai knew that once she got to know April a bit more, she would love her too.

"She is a sweet girl." Lorelai responded.

"I don't know how Anna, who's a sweet girl too, could do such a thing as to keep the little girl a secret from Luke. It's such a shame that he had to miss all of her younger years, those are the ones that I'm most fond of. My Sara's all grown up and lives in Cleveland now. I miss the days when she was crawling around on the floor and I was spoon feeding her. And then of course…my Harry just passed away two years ago…" she said, and Lorelai could hear the tears in her voice.

"I'm sorry." Lorelai said.

"It's ok," Lady McMillan said, drying her tears. "Just remember, cherish the time you have with Luke, and maybe in the future you can have another child as sweet as Rory." she concluded.

"I'll remember that." Lorelai said. She took her ice cream and gave the three dollars for it. She walked down the street towards Doose's where she had to remember to pick up some junk food now that Luke would be gone.

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**Hey guys! So I would like to say that I would appreciate it, my gnomes would appreciate it, my penguins would appreciate it, my fic would appreciate it, and SmileyGGfan would appreciate it if you reviewed this chapter. Please. Well, now that that's done with, here's the quote of the chapter: "i loved that whole, holy-shickels-Anna-and-April-are-standing-right-behind-me-and-i-just-said-to-'screw-them!'"-lolabelle26. There's your present!**

**Oh, and in the review, I would like to know any predictions you have, and suggestions, any random quotes, stories, your take on this chapter's quote, anything. It's all greatly appreciated. Thanks!**


	6. Nightmarish Realities

So this is a short one, but it might be the last one for a week or so. So, here it is. Well, maybe. It might just be your imagination, but it might be real. ok, so here it is, I don't feel like saying hi to anyone, or thanks, because it's too much energy to thank you all, and plus, I have to get back to writing up my lab. Fun, huh?

_Disclaimer: I own nothing; I don't even have enough money to buy the puppies I saw in the paper. It's a sad, sad, world._

**Chapter 6: Nightmarish Realities **

"Ok, so thanks for dinner. It was really good." April told Luke. He had taken her fishing and for dinner, they had eaten the ones that they caught. She couldn't remember what kind he said they were, but they tasted good.

"You're welcome. So it's 9:30 and we'll probably be up early in the morning so it might be a good idea to go to bed now, ok?" Luke asked.

"Sure. I'm sorry Luke." she said.

"For what?"

"For ruining your relationship, I know that technically it's your fault, but I still feel responsible, so I just want you to know that I'm sorry. And I'm sorry the way my mom has been acting towards Lorelai. My mom still sees me as a five year old who is too you and fragile to deal with her own emotional issues." April said.

"It's not your fault in any way, and I'm sorry that you feel that way. It's my and Lorelai's fault, not yours. Ok?" he said.

"Ok. Well I'm tired anyway. Goodnight Luke." she said.

"Goodnight." Luke said as he watched as his daughter went into the tent to change and then go to bed. He wished that he had been around when April was younger, but if he was, then he probably would have stayed with Anna, and then, not gotten together with Lorelai.

He decided that it was easier to just sleep than think about Lorelai, so he went into his tent, changed into his pajamas, and tried to fall asleep. It didn't work that well though because thoughts of Lorelai kept filling his head. Even his dreams were haunted by her.

_"Luke, wake up. Luke, wake up." he heard Lorelai say. Luke lifted his head off the pillow only to see Lorelai staring back at him. _

_"Luke, I told you, pick April or me. It's one or the other, not both." Lorelai said. _

_"What?" _

_"One or the other Luke, pick one." she repeated. _

_"No!" he refused. He now found himself in the middle of the diner with Anna and April by the door roasting marshmallows at one of the tables. _

_"Luke, then you lose me." Lorelai got up and left the diner. _

_"Luke, why didn't you pick her? It's my fault! It's all my fault now! I couldn't fix the things between you two!" April said as she got up and went through the door that had appeared where the window into Doose's used to be. Anna looked at him with fury. _

_"You've broken her heart Luke, I'm afraid I can't have that in her life, you're out. Bye Luke." Anna had said as she two exited through the door. _

_Luke ran after them and appeared on the other side in the church. He saw Lorelai walking down the isle towards Christopher. _

_"Lorelai! What are you doing? You can't marry him! You and I were getting married! Don't you remember?" he yelled down at her. She turned around. _

_"Luke, if you loved me, you would be the one I was getting married to, but you're not. Go love Ann; I'm sure she'll bear you perfect children." Lorelai spat bitterly. _

_"But Anna left already! She won't let me see April! Lorelai! You have to help me! I love you!" Luke yelled. The church dissolved into nothing. Luke blinked and when he opened his eyes, he found himself in the gazebo, toasting his and Lorelai's engagement. _

_"And here's to our engagement!" Lorelai said. They both drank, but Luke soon spit his out. _

_"What Luke? Can't handle anything but beer?" he heard Emily's voice behind him. He turned around and saw her with Rory. _

_"Luke, why? You were like a father to me. Why did you have to go and break Mom's heart?" Rory asked in sobs. _

_"What?" Luke asked. He turned back around and saw the sobbing Lorelai in her wedding dress._

_"Lorelai what's wrong?" he asked. _

_"Don't touch me Luke! What, am I not good enough? Am I too emotionally screwed up that you had to say no?" she yelled._

_"What?" _

_"With the penguins dancing and I came in as Mimi, I proposed, and you said no!" she rambled. _

_"What are you talking about?" a confused Luke asked. _

_"You broke her heart Luke. You have turned her down too many times. And now this." Jess said from a stand selling books right where Kirk was selling lemonade. _

_"Kirk?" Luke questioned. _

_"You were mean to me, and you took the ring just to tease her! You just wanted to tease Lorelai! And then you wouldn't give it back! What was your use of it anyway? Can't you just leave us all alone now?" Kirk said. _

_"Luke, why did you have to do it? We didn't want you in our lives. We didn't want you here. April and I were fine without you. Just go home." Anna said. _

_"But she's my daughter! I have a right to see and know her, goddamn you!" he yelled at Anna. _

_"Luke, I don't love you." Lorelai said as she handed over her engagement ring and her dress to him. "I did once, but you never truly loved me back. Goodbye." she said before she left him standing in the middle of the road. _

_"Luke, see, I told you, it's as simple as getting married! But you didn't listen!" Jess said. _

_"Dad! Why did you let her go? You could have been happy!" April said. _

_"Daddy, why? You came to the caterpillars wedding and my birthday parties, and you even loved my mother, so why did you have to let her go!" Rory sobbed. _

_"Rory, I didn't mean to hurt you or April! I just can't handle being a father! I can't handle being a husband!" Luke said. _

_"Luke, start being able to handle loneliness, because that's what you've created for yourself. I've got my baby and my TJ. Who do you have?" Liz asked._

All of a sudden Luke shot up in a sweat. His head was soaked with perspiration and his body was freezing from the lack of insulation. He found tears streaming down his face, not being able to hold them in. how could he lose Lorelai? How could he let her go? He knew he would always have April now, but what about when she went off to college and got married and had kids of he own? What would he do?

He grabbed a flannel shirt and his jacket. He slipped them both on and decided to take a walk.

He walked over to April's tent and unzipped it a bit to see how she was. From what he could tell with the light he had (meaning the moon and the stars) was that she was sleeping peacefully, without any signs of dreams that would fall into the same category as his last one.

He walked over to the lake in which he has swim many times with his family. He remembered his mother and father splashing each other when she was alive. They would fool around, like chasing each other in the lake, playing tag with each other, Luke, and Liz. They had loved to be together, but once his mother had died, his father had lost the will to live. His only mission was to provide for both of his children who were more important then his selfish need to let go of life.

His father had never again gone swimming, not once. When his father had died, it was of cancer, in a hospital bed, but his father thought that he was at the lake again swimming with his mother. Her getting a piggy back ride into the water and then him throwing her over his head. Her trying to get a way as he held her close, and then of course pulled her into a passionate kiss of which the 8 year old Luke and 6 year old Liz both exclaimed "ewww!" to. His father was washing away the pain and hurt of the abnormal cells that were taking over his body, with the thought of happier times, with the thought of love, caring, his wife. But now Luke remembered the last coherent thing his father had said to him.

_"Luke?" Will Danes had said, he was weak, but still knew how to demand respect and show authority to others. _

_"Dad? I thought you were asleep. You should eat something Dad." he had said. _

_"Luke, I have something to say, now I want you to listen, and don't interrupt Me." his father had told him. _

_"Ok…" Luke agreed, afraid of what his father was about to tell him. _

_"when you're older, not like my age at 45, but when you're in your twenties or so, old enough so that you've got money, a stable job if you don't want to keep the hardware store, a nice house, and you feel ready for love, find someone like your mother. Let that be the kind of woman you want and let into your heart. Don't settle, I didn't, just look at your mother; she was the best partner a man could have. Love her, treat her as you should, and marry her. Marry her not for her love, but for more than that. Marry her for her. Marry her for being the person that she is, not just the love she gives you. And when you do get engaged, never let a minute go by that you don't think about her. Spend all the time you can with her. Go swimming with her, go camping, even if you find a girl who doesn't want to go camping, take her camping with you. If she loves you, she'll respect that part of you like your mother did. Take her to dinner every Saturday night, or maybe just stay at home together, go with her to the festivals, every once in a while, even take a sip of the punch!" his father laughed. "Luke, don't let her go. What ever you do, don't let her go, and don't you doubt for one moment whether you should marry her or not, unless you aren't thinking about her every moment of everyday. Make the most of the time you have" at this point, tears started to come to both Luke and his father's eyes. "Don't waste your time like we did, if we had spent more time together, than maybe I would have been stronger for you and your sister, but I wasn't. So please Luke, make the most of the time your given, because it won't last for long." that was the last thing that Luke could remember his father saying to him without it being some memory of his mother. _

Luke didn't know why, but he had always noticed the resemblance between his mother and Lorelai. There was a difference in that Luke's mother had been the cook and the health nut, not his father. But both Lorelai and his mother seemed to have a certain bounce, happiness, Luke couldn't even believe he was thinking this, but a certain aura. They both looked at life the same way, were very easy going with life, but when needed, stepped up and put everyone in there place.

Luke got up and walked back to the tent, went inside it, and fell asleep. This time, there weren't any dreams worth sweating about.

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Didn't I tell you it was short? Sorry it was all one sided and there wasn't any Lorelai in that. Oh, and if you didn't get the dream, read it over. It's a bit jumpy, but hey, that's how my dreams are, and insane sad people are all alike. It's been scientifically proven. So please review, for the sake of me getting my lab done. school is what I'll be focusing on for the next week, so I have to avoid reading fics and stuff in the next four or five days, or I will forget all about my school work and go back to reading the wonderful stories way into the wee hours of the morning. So, review, as stated before, and hey! Just say hi if you want to! You don't even have to mention the story! Well that would be an interesting concept, a review having nothing to do with the actual story...it's happened before. Oh and before I forget:

Quote of the chapter is: "Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles." – Roseanne Barr. It was a hard decision between this and two others but this one still wins my heart! Oh! So instead of saying hi, you can just say that you like/hate the quote. I'm sorry if it offended all of guys out there!


	7. Dissected Frogs, Sitting On Logs

Hey! So how are you all doing? Good I hope. I would like to thank Charmedchic72 for letting me use one of her quotes. Well, one of her friend's quotes. But it was told to me by Charmedchic72. Secondly, Lets all thank Ducky's beta, for being the wonderful sidekick that she is! Go Robin! Batman forever owes you. Now this next chapter is not that bad in my eyes, but it's just a bit of a filler. Not much going on (Luke does eat something unhealthy though. waits for everyone to pass out from shock). So yep. Go read it. And don't forget, I love reviews. The more reviews I get, the more inclined I will be to write during my week in Maine. Oh, and in my story, April hasn't met Jess yet.

_Disclaimer: please don't make me talk aboutme not owning Gilmore Girls. It makes me think of how I have no money, and that's depressing. And it'll make me cry in a corner. No one makes Ducky cry in a corner._

**Chapter 7: Dissected Frogs, Sitting On Logs**

Lorelai sat in front of the muted TV while reading one of her old diaries from when she was younger.

_November 9th, 1982_

_So I was in biology today and we had to dissect frogs. So not only do they kill the poor things, but we had to cut them open and determine which parts are which. I named or frog Millicent, only to find out it was a guy frog and have to change its name to Max. It was a sad, sad day for the frog. But for me, it was a grand day. Well Robert what's-his-face had a party tonight, so I asked my dear mother and she said yes because she thought it would be like some supervised, alcohol-free, boys on one side of the room, girls on the other, kind of party. Let me just say it wasn't. so Christopher, who I broke up with last week, was there with Cindy, Cindy Meyer, so I spilt a large amount of an expensive alcoholic drink on her dress (it was actually kind of a mix of drinks) and I'm hoping she goes home smelling like she was at a brothel with some disgusting guy--mainly Chris. So I met Robert there, and we had some drinks and then he ended up bringing me home. He walked me to the door, and we started making out. Now here's the grand part-- while making out, we failed to notice the fact that my back was pressed up against the bell, so it rang, and my mother opened the door! Her face was priceless! And it was fun to see her yell at Robert about how that's not how "respectable boys" should behave! I'm grounded for a month, but hey, that's what the balcony is for, right?_

Lorelai skipped a bunch of pages to come to one of July 4th.

_July 4th, 1983_

_My parents aren't here, they're in Paris. Which is actually quite good. Me and Chris are back together! Oh! And it's been a month! That's the longest we've ever been together! It's that so great? Here I go again, expecting this diary to talk back to me. Or maybe it's my future self reading it. Or maybe, my future kids, or my parents distastefully reading this bit at my funeral using it to prove how much of a horrible person I am, oh well. Either way, hi! Hope you're having fun reading this! Ok, so back to the story. Well Chris and I haven't ever, you know. Had sex, but we've gotten really close! And when we do, I hope it's dreamy and the best thing I've ever experienced. But I just can't wait, we were about to earlier, but the maid knocked on the door and we had to go eat dinner. The maid doesn't mind me having Chris here. We kind of have an agreement, I don't freak her out, and she doesn't say anything to my parents about what I do when they're gone. It's easier than pie._

_Chris and I let off some fire works in the back of the house and I think the old lady what's-her-face next door freaked out and peed herself. It was kind of funny to hear her come outside in her nightgown yelling and screaming at whoever had done that. That was the best night we had. Well I have to go. I promised Rosita that I would play a game of checkers with her. _

Lorelai smiled. She remembered playing board games with the maids and the cook when she was younger when her parents weren't around. She had fun, and they didn't judge her.

_July 29th, 1983_

_We did it! Oh my god! That was so amazing, I mean, it really wasn't the best, but me and Chris are meant to be and so it was just so great in that way! Oh, and for the person reading this, if you don't know what I did, I had sex! My mother thinks that I don't even know what it is, but I do. And I wish I could just say, there! I'm not as stupid you thought! And you never saw this coming! You couldn't have stopped it even if you had known it was going to happen! But I can't say that because then Chris would be forbidden from the house, my mother would have a heart attack, my father would blame me for her death, I would have placed shame upon the Gilmore name, and all that good stuff. So I keep my mouth shut and pretend nothing is happening. _

_March 10th, 1984. _

_Define love. I'm pregnant. Is that love. Was that created by love? Am I in love with Chris? Am I in love with the little clump of cells attached to the inside of me? Does it love me? Does it love Chris? If no, will it love me? Will it love Chris? Will it love my parents? Will it play checkers with the maids and hide it's true self? No. I refuse. I refuse to let said clump of cells have to live my life! But what am I going to do about it? _

_I went to tell Chris I was pregnant, and when I did, he went pale. He was paler than I had gone! I mean, come on! No one would ever have to know he's the father, so why was he all sick? I never realized how weak and stupid Chris was until now. He was never the one to lead, I've always been the one to make decisions, and he always tried to please everyone. But now I've got a baby. I've got my baby. Actually, it's a clump of cells as said before. So, it's MY clump of cells! Ha, doesn't that should weird. How am I going to tell Emily?_

Lorelai closed her eyes. Define love. Her and Luke. That's what love was. "No! Stop!" she yelled at herself as tears streamed down her face. She couldn't cry. She needed to get over it. Love may have been Luke and her, but it couldn't be anymore, it had to be her and Rory. Her and her town. Her and her best friend. No! Her best friend was Luke! No! That can't be Luke! Love can't be that! It just couldn't if she wanted to live a life worth living.

She ran up the stairs and grabbed her present diary. It was the only way she had survived over the past years of hardship. It had provided her with comfort and therapy if you will. She had needed it in situations that she couldn't tell Sookie about, situations she couldn't tell Rory about, and now, this kind of situation.

She wrote something down and packed the diaries all in a box in the back of her closet. She wouldn't want to read them for a while. Can you blame her? Who would want to read about the most depressing moments in someone's life?

* * *

Luke woke up to find April already dressed and outside her tent doing homework. _Do kids normally get up this early? _He asked himself. 

"Morning Luke." April said when she saw him come out.

"Good morning." he then noticed she was munching on some dried cereal. He looked harder and saw that it was Lucky Charms. "How long have you been up?" he asked.

"Oh, not long, an hour or so." she answered.

"An hour or so?" he asked. He yawned. "Why didn't you wake me up?" he asked.

"You were sleeping and waking people up unless completely necessary, is not what I like to do. Trust me. I've gotten tackled by mom many times because I woke her up on a Saturday or Sunday before 5. Let's just say that she won." April said. She was smiling. She was happy. She wasn't totally miserable in Luke's company. This in turn made Luke happy, and gave him the ability to forget about the dream he had had that night.

"Ah, yeah. I know about waking people up early. I would wake Lor--" he stopped. He hadn't wanted to bring Lorelai up. He had just wanted to forget about her while he was out here with his daughter. "I mean, when I would wake Liz up when I was younger, she would throw glass things at my head." he fixed. He didn't know if April had caught his slip.

She had. "Liz is your sister, right?" she asked.

"Yes. She's actually pregnant now." Babies. He thought. Goddamn it! Couldn't he get any peace in his head! Nope.

"Really? Does she know if it's a boy or a girl yet?" April asked.

"Not yet, I think she said she was only a month or two pregnant." Luke answered.

"So will I be meeting Liz soon?" April asked.

"Most likely. And maybe even Jess, her son." Luke added.

"How old is jess?" April asked.

"Uh…about 21." Luke answered.

"Previous marriage?" April asked.

"Yeah." Luke answered. He sat down on the log next to April. She looked up at him and held out the box of cereal.

"Lucky Charms?" she offered. Luke reached his arm into the box and ate the sugar infested complex carbs.

* * *

Lorelai found herself walking through the streets of Stars Hollow. She didn't remember getting dressed or getting her purse, or even leaving the house, but she must have, otherwise, she wouldn't be walking down the street. 

She entered the book store. What was she doing in a book store? She had never been one to read. She hated it. It wasn't her ideal way of keeping busy or even having fun. That was Rory's thing. But here she was, in a book store.

She decided that Shakespeare, Dickens, Dumas, and Austen were a bit too historical in her life. She remembered reading them to Rory at night before putting Rory to bed. Even at the age of 3, Rory had wanted her mother to 'act' out scenes from Hamlet and use her millions of funny voices to imitate the characters in The Count of Monte Cristo. That kind of reading was from a part of her life filled with happy memories of Rory, but an empty feeling that resulted from her lack of partner or love.

She decided she needed a change from normalcy so she found herself searching through the shelves of DIY books. She found sewing (second nature and wouldn't take her mind off Luke), scrap booking (who does that in their spare time?), gardening (can you say "NO!"), and many others. Nothing caught her eye until she found a misplaced book that belonged two rows down. Hmmm…maybe it would help. She grabbed it, paid the $12.99 for it, and then headed towards the store to pick up supplies.

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**So! Ducky is here, to save your sanity, and add more to her story. Do you like it? Is it bad, good? Oh, wait, you can't talk to me on here. It's the internet, but wait! Oh my god, I just got the best idea ever! You can REVIEW! You can review this chapter! See, I think of everything. Along with my quotes. So here's one from Charmedchic72's friend Catherine:** _"Dude, I'm taking off my pants and running."_** So what do you think of that quote?**

**And here's mine:** _"The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it's bad for you."_ **– Issac Asimov. Very appropriate for a Gilmore Girls fic, right? Well I won't threaten you today because I have to go study for my finals. Sounds fun, huh? Well, I hope you had fun reading this chapter, and remember that ducky likes it when you give suggestions, predictions, or just funny quotes! Go Charmedchic72!**


	8. Tomatoes in Lonely Form

Ok, so Ducky is going off to Maine now. For a week. And I won't have access to the internet, so this is the last chapter for a week or so. Even over my week in Maine, I'm going to be busy so I'm sorry in advanced if I don't get as much written as I would like. I would also like to say that I got out of school on Wednesday, I rocked my finals, and let's all give out support for those who are still in school for a few more days (yes, there are still people in school. Don't look so shocked). I would like to thank Robin, without you, Batman would be lost, and would have no reason to write! You're my hero! Now all you have to do is get a real cape!

_Disclaimer: hmmm, I'm not feeling clever tonight, sue me._

**Chapter 8: Tomatoes in Lonely Form**

"So we should be getting back." Luke said. It was now about 3:00, on Sunday, and Luke remembered that Anna wanted April at home by 5:00.

"Ok. Pack up the tents?" April asked.

"Yep. And your stuff." Luke answered.

The two packed up their things, put them in the truck, and drove towards Anna and April's house.

"Luke?" April asked on the way home.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Am I allowed to call you dad?" she asked. She felt it might be too soon, but she thought that it would be best to get used to him being a permanent figure in her life, and what better a way then to start calling him dad?

Luke was caught off guard. Dad? She thought she wasn't allowed to call him dad? Where did she get this idea?

"Yeah. Why?" he asked.

"Because I think I might want to start calling you dad." she confessed.

"You might?" he asked.

"yeah, I mean, I'm still not sure, and it's kind of soon for me, but you are my dad and you do act like my dad, which is only normal, but I was just wondering if I'm allowed to call you dad." she asked.

"Of course you are." he asked with a smile.

"good." she said, smiling back.

* * *

"Lorelai! What the hell are you doing sugar?" Babette yelled as she walked into the kitchen. Lorelai was standing in front of the stove now, cooking. No, not warming her socks, or watching the timer while the pop tarts were in the toaster, but cooking. Lorelai Gilmore was cooking. Lorelai "Me+stovefire" Gilmore, was cooking.

"What?" Lorelai asked, keeping her eye on the sauce she was cooking.

"Sugar! You're gonna' burn down the house!" Babette said in her raspy voice.

"No I'm not!" Lorelai said, taking offence.

"When was the last time you cooked?" Babette asked.

Silence.

"Exactly! Now hand over the ladle and slowly turn off the stove." Babette instructed.

"Babette! I've got it all under control." Lorelai said.

"Hunny, you never have it all under control." Babette said.

"Hey!"

"What, it's true."

"No it's not!"

"Sure it is! What about that time you set that shirt on fire?"

"That was different! I didn't like it! I purposefully did that!" Lorelai defended.

"Sure sugar, now turn off the stove before you hurt yourself." Babette instructed again.

"No! Look!" Lorelai held up the cook book she bought at the store. "See! It's perfectly fine! Now let me cook!" she said.

"Wow, you bought a book?" Babette asked. Never in all her years of knowing Lorelai Gilmore did she remember ever seeing her read a book, let alone a cook book!

"Yes I did! Now leave me to my tomato sauce!" Lorelai said proudly.

"Ok, but if you burn anything down, don't say I didn't warn ya!" Babette told her and then left.

Lorelai had bought a cook book. She had bough a book, and had started cooking. She had NEVER cooked in her life. Even when she had broken up with Max, she hadn't resorted to this. Even when she broke up with Luke the first time, she didn't decide to just start cooking. Even when her parents had pretty much just screwed up her whole life, she hadn't chosen cooking as her emotional outlet. So what was different about this? What was different about this?

She knew the truth. She knew it, but she didn't want to. She knew if she admitted to knowing the truth, then she would have to admit she was wrong, and Lorelai Gilmore was never wrong. So she hid behind her curtain of false truths and her wall of lies. She would tell everyone she needed to learn how to cook now that Luke was gone, or that she was just learning how to cook as her emotional outlet, but in actuality, she was lying. Lying beyond any lying she had ever done before. In fact, it wasn't even remotely close to the truth. Well, maybe.

The real truth was that when she cooked, she could feel Luke there. She could feel somehow connected. She could fill the room with aromas that only reminded her of Luke and his cooking. Cooking let her imagine he was there in the room, loving only her and cooking just for her. Because he loved her. Because he wanted to be there with her. So she was lying. She didn't use the cooking as a way to get away, she used it as a way to get in and back. To get into her memories, to get back to the past. She used cooking to satisfy her need of Luke. She used it to keep the tears at bay.

* * *

Luke grabbed the bag with his clothes in it and trudged up the stairs to the diner. He decided to leave the tents and everything else in the truck until later. The door flung open as he unlocked it. He sighed and walked up to his apartment.

He opened the door to the former office only to have his nose flooded with the smell of perfume. _What the hell? _He thought. _Oh yeah, she was here a few days ago. _He reminded himself.

Whenever Lorelai had entered a room wearing perfume, the smell was always different, but always seemed the same. The scent would last for days, if not weeks, if kept under the right conditions. His apartment had not been without her scent in the past 6 months, and even before that, it had always been because he was staying at THEIR house.

_Their house. _It sound familiar, but oh so foreign to Luke. He had bought a house for them to live in, but she had wanted HER house, so he made the right arrangements and the house ended up being converted from a HER house to a THEIR house. Luke had forgotten that in the past few months. It wasn't her house, it was their house…well…now it was a HER house. He had taken the first and forth letter out to convert it into the depressing convent that Lorelai lived in now. It wasn't their house anymore because of him. It was his fault…but he couldn't have changed it. He couldn't have fixed it. He couldn't have seen what was coming. He was always doomed to face this loneliness.

* * *

Lorelai was waiting. She was waiting for her daughter to figure out what was going on, come bursting through the doors, and try and save her from the big bad Luke. But she didn't. Rory didn't come. And Lorelai was able to go about her week with semi normalcy. Until Thursday. It had been almost a week, and here was the moment of truth…town meeting.

Lorelai had always loved town meetings and festivals. She had always been able to just immerse herself in the joy. This day was different. She woke up and felt the weight of her stupidity on her. It wasn't the first time, but everyday it just seemed to grow and grow. Now it felt like her emotion baggage had some baggage of its own. She didn't want to have to face the day. She didn't want to have to face the Michel, or the whinny guests, or even her bubbly Sookie. But she had to.

She pulled herself out of bed, went into the bathroom, and took a shower. It was now known as the mirror less bathroom, or the only one she could go into. She had stopped using Makeup with the exception of business meetings because other than that, she could box herself up in her office. She had removed the mirror from the bathroom after punching it, breaking it, and getting cuts all over her hand. It wasn't severe so she was able to just wipe up the blood and wrap it up. The frame of the mirror had been removed so that she wouldn't have to remember the sadness that had caused the mirror's demise.

She now got out of the shower and threw some clothes on, hoping they were presentable.

She started her jeep, or at least tried to. It wouldn't start. She slammed her fist into the steering wheel, causing the horn to go off.

"Damn it!" she cursed in frustration.

"Lorelai, Hunny! You ok?" Lorelai heard Babette yell from her garden where she was tending to her flowers. Lorelai hesitated, but then answered.

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine Babette. Just some car difficulties." Lorelai told her. Well at least she was only lying about the first part.

"You sure? You don't look so good. You sure you don't have some sort of flu or something'?" Babette asked. She was referring to the 'pasty' complexion of Lorelai which was caused by the lack of healthy foods, makeup, good skin care, and her natural happy self.

"No, I'm fine, really." Lorelai reassured.

"Ok then. Hey! Now don't you forget there's a town meeting tonight! You missed the last one and boy was Taylor mad! And If Taylor's mad, then he takes it out on _everybody_." Babette informed Lorelai of.

"Oh. Ok Babette. Thanks for reminding me. I'll try and remember but I might not have enough time, with work and all. Well, I have to walk to work now, I'll see you later." Lorelai said. She didn't want to go. She didn't want to be near other people that were happier and more joyful than she was. She didn't want to have to feel self pity or to torture herself by seeing that even Taylor has a new girlfriend. She didn't want to, but she had an obligation to her cause. Her cause being to keep the town out of the loop as much as possible. They were bound to have seen that Lorelai was avoiding Luke's and that he wasn't coming home. They must have seen it, but she didn't want to get bombarded with questions. But she had to.

* * *

Thursdays had always been good for Luke Danes. It was a meat day so that everyone who ate got fresh meat and was happy.

Now Thursdays were lousy. He didn't want to be around happy people. He wanted to be about to look like the cheerful one of the bunch, or at least not be plagued with the need to vomit at the sight of the twenty tourist couples who came in throughout the day just to eat. He hated it. He hated what this had turned him into.

But he decided to put his need to cry in the back of his mind, and concentrate on not killing the customers.

He looked out the window only to see Taylor closing up the store. What time was it? Luke looked at the clock. 5:50. Ten minutes from the beginning of town meeting. Luke didn't want to go. He decided that if he did, she would probably be there. She would be there to distract him, and he would be stupid enough to try and talk to her. He would be stupid enough to try and repair things. He would just be stupid enough to let his feelings out.

So he stayed in the diner, and made sure the ketchup was kept company.

* * *

Lorelai walked to the studio, saving her strength to fight for her life during town meeting. It was in fact, her fault that she and Luke were no longer together. The town would be mad when they had their suspicions confirmed.

She quickly stole a glance at the diner. She knew she shouldn't and should just keep walking. It would be easier if she didn't look, but she didn't pay attention to her common sense. Ever. So she stole a glance and saw Luke standing behind the counter. He was putting the ketchup bottles together. They were in pairs, one stacked on top of the other. Lorelai felt a twinge of guilt in her heart. That was her fault. He could be happy at that moment, but she took that away. _No! He gave me no choice! _She defended. But it didn't matter. It still felt like she had been the catalyst. She had started it all.

He looked up and saw her. Yep, she was going.

Lorelai saw him and quickly turned her head away and started walking away. Luke's gaze just fell as a jolt of sadness sped through his body. She had seen him looking and had left. Why had she been looking in the first place? Was he that pathetic? Did he really need her to pity him? _No! No way in hell do I need her pity! She was the one who gave me the ultimatum, not the other way around! _He told himself in anger.

He slammed his fist on the counter, causing the ketchup bottles to topple over and break.

"Damn it!" he exclaimed.

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**So as stated before, I'm not feeling clever enough, due to lack of sleep and I'm having a really emotional day, so that's what I get. Please review, and I don't have a quote for this chapter, and I'm sorry. I'll make up for it in the next chapter: I'll have two quotes, ok? Well, hope you liked the chapter, and when, not if, you review, tell me what you liked/disliked about the chapter. Please. **


	9. Mentally Emotionally Involved

**So, Ducky, who is in Maine as she types (Yay! Maine! The beach!), has been able to get online, and write just enough of her story to be considered a chapter. And my dear friend, Sammi, or Charmedchic72, is leaving for a week, and won't be able to read my story after really early Saturday morning, so this is for her, hope you like it, oh, and I hope you have fun next week! Oh, and much thanks to my beta, who can write stories, read them, edit them, and help me fight crime on a daily basis! Thanks Robin! **

_Disclaimer: hmmm, I think I would own a cottage on the beach before owning Gilmore Girls, and because I don't own ANY building on the beach, I think it's safe to say that the fate of Gilmore Girls is not in my hands. Sorry. _

**Chapter 9: Mentally Emotionally Involved**

Lorelai thought she heard something crash as she walked down the street, but decided to ignore it. As she came up to Patty's dance studio, she got a sudden feeling of dread. Not that she hadn't been feeling that way before, but now it was worse and made her want to vomit. Why did she have to go to this? Oh yeah, because if she didn't, she would be bugged by the townies for the rest of eternity.

So, in spite of the dread, she entered the studio to find it fuller than usual. She took one of the only available seats in the back just as the meeting was starting.

"So, now today, we have quite a lot of things to discuss. First on the list, is the problem of the pesky children that are being allowed into our park." Taylor started the meeting.

"You mean the school playground?" Babette asked.

"Yes! They are leaving their food wrappers all around; they are disregarding the rules, and are making too much noise! The noise is disturbing the elderly community that surrounds to school. I mean, just the other day Mrs. Galepo was complaining about how she can't get her afternoon nap because of this noise problem! They have been requested to be quieter, but it just isn't doing it! We need to find a solution and the only one we have at this moment is banning them from the grounds outside." Taylor concluded.

"Taylor, Mrs. Galepo is 102 years old, she should be in a nursing home where she can get the help she needs." Miss Patty said.

"That's beside the point!" Taylor argued. "The children need to go!" he said.

" Taylor, let the kids play!" Gypsy said.

"Yeah, they can only do so much! Let 'em have some fun!" Babette agreed.

"But it still stands that they make such a mess! It's costing us more to keep the janitors for half an hour extra each week to pick up!" he argued.

"And that's what? Five extra bucks a week? Let 'em be Taylor!" Jackson added.

"But the point is--" Taylor began.

"Save it Taylor! Leave the kids alone." Bootsy said.

"All those in favor of banning the kids from the playground, say Aye." Miss patty said. The room was silent. "All those opposed, say nay." Miss Patty added. The whole room was filled with Nays.

"Fine." Taylor gave in. "On to the next item on our agenda. I would like to address the issue of the newly arisen Luke and Lorelai break up that is more than apparent to the town at this point." Taylor said.

Lorelai let out a huge sigh. She had been waiting for this, but she thought Taylor would save it for last.

"I request that Lorelai Gilmore please stand so we all can know who you are." Taylor instructed.

" Taylor, everyone knows me. I'm not standing up." Lorelai said.

"Fine, be stubborn. Now, on with the issue. Lorelai could you please tell us if this is a temporary thing or if you and Luke plan to get back together." Taylor asked.

Lorelai's jaw dropped._ Yeah, as if we planned this! As if I know what the hell is going to happen! You want to know what; I don't want to talk about it! Screw them, they can guess like all normal people do! _She told herself.

"Taylor, I will not tell you anything about the current situation except for that I don't know what is going to happen." she started. She was about to say more but was interrupted by Patty.

"Hunny, it's good to get you're feelings out now." she said sympathetically but Lorelai knew she just wanted something to gossip about.

"Yeah, and it lowers the blood pressure too!" Babette pointed out. All eyes were on Lorelai.

She decided that if she couldn't even tell her best friend the details, then she wasn't ready to tell the town either.

"It is none of your business. Me and Luke are not together at the moment, end of story. Is my love life the only thing you have for entertainment? I'm ashamed to call myself your neighbor if it is. I'm leaving, and I advise that you all get a new hobby." she said angrily as she grabbed her purse and left the town in shock. Where _would they find a new hobby?_

She got outside and slumped against the door. She didn't want to deal with this. She didn't want to deal with the questions. She didn't want to have to see the truth--that it was her fault. Answering the questions would cause her to see the truth. She might not have to tell anyone else, but she would know the truth. She didn't want to know the truth. She didn't want to admit it. She didn't want to have anything to do with the truth. She wanted to be able to blame everything on someone else like she always did. She didn't want to tear away from habit. It was too hard.

Tears started to come down. She was now sitting on the cold concrete of the ground next to the wall. Her tears flowed freely as she sobbed.

"Why? Why did I do it? Why did I let him go!" she yelled at herself. She grabbed her hair and tried to pull it out. It was obviously a futile attempted, but you couldn't blame a girl for trying.

"Stupid me! Uhhhh!" she yelled at herself. She slammed her fists on the ground, only to feel the pain shoot up through her hands to her wrists. She stomped her feet on the ground repeatedly. She took the makeup in her purse and started throwing at the ground in front of her. "I hate you!" she yelled at all of her possessions as they came crashing to the ground, the majority of the things being fragile and breaking upon contact. _God, would Taylor have a field day with this littering._ She sat in anger and sobs for five minutes before she heard someone else.

"Lorelai? What the hell?" she heard Luke's voice.

"Luke. Just go." she pleaded. She didn't need him to see her breakdown.

"What happened?" he asked. He had obviously noticed the bits of glass and color scattered all over the ground in front of her.

"Please Luke, just leave me alone." she begged.

"Not until you tell me what happened." he said firmly.

"No Luke! Just go!" she yelled. She was still sobbing, and Luke could tell.

"Lorelai, just let me help." he said softly.

"No! Go!" she yelled again.

"I…I…I can't." he told her. She knew why. He thought he loved her. But Lorelai couldn't deal with that. He had given up door number one a week ago, and she had to remember that.

"Yes you can! Now go!" she told him. He reached for her, trying to give her a hug but she pushed him away. "Stop it Luke! Just go home!" she yelled at him.

"Lorelai! I can't just go! I have to know what's wrong! You're here crying with bits of glass lying all around! I can't just leave you!" he said. His eyes started to glaze over now too. He reached for her a second time, but again, she pushed him away.

"You lost the right to touch me, to hold me, to know what's wrong, and to comfort me when you chose to keep your two lives separate and to give me up!" she told him bitterly as she tried to lift herself up. Luke offered a hand but she pushed it away.

"I didn't give you up. You chose for me, and you know that. That's why you're out here beating yourself up. I know you Lorelai. Please just--" he started.

"I have to go." Lorelai said as she quickly leaves. She knows that if she stays, she'll start to hate herself even more, because she knows that Luke was never at fault, it was always her fault. But it wasn't. She didn't keep the secret for two months and then postpone the wedding and then ignore the one she loved. That was Luke. But again, it still felt like her fault.

* * *

Luke laid there in bed. Had that just happened? Did he really just see Lorelai Gilmore breakdown a little less than an hour ago? Did she really just leave him there after he said he cared too much, he loved too much, to just let go? Yes, it had all happened. 

He just couldn't believe it. It was almost as unbelievable as the call he had gotten about an hour and half ago. Why had she called? But of course, she had explained it all in the call, but it still shocked him. He had tried to tell her the he didn't want to, but she hadn't taken no as an answer and had hung up before he could tell her he was wouldn't. Oh well, he would just have to listen to her.

As for Lorelai, fine. If she was done, so was he. He had been through enough with her and every other woman on earth. He was done. He resolved to harden his heart, and let it all go. Let it all just be in the past, except what he had now, and move on; without Lorelai. He wouldn't give her any thought now, and he didn't care what the hell happened to her. The more he cared, the more he got rejected and hurt. He couldn't handle the rejection and hurt anymore, he was done.

* * *

Lorelai was lying in bed. It was 11. She was curled up in a ball, crying again. She knew her ability for tears was at least four times as powerful as she had reached so far that night, so it wasn't over. She now realized how stupid she had been. There was the chance to end it all, and to be together again, but she had given it up. 

She had been stupid. Beyond stupid, moronic, idiotic. Stupid as hell. None of those even came close to the self hatred she felt, but they would have to do.

She closed her eyes and tried to wish the tears away.

* * *

"This is Lorelai and sometimes Luke's house. Oh, and Rory's too. You know what to do. If you don't, you shouldn't be using the phone." Lorelai's voice could be heard from the answering machine. BEEP. 

"Lorelai, this is your mother. I was calling to remind you of diner tonight. I know you're going to try and get out of it, but unless you are dying, I want you here no later than 6." Emily said. Lorelai had just woken up at about seven but it seemed her mother had gotten up earlier to make that call.

"Of course. Emily wants to know if I'll be coming, and of course I will, because I know she will use it against me for the rest of my life." Lorelai said dramatically as she walked into the kitchen.

She turned and stood staring at the coffee pot for a good five minutes before rejecting it and walking to the refrigerator. She didn't see anything in there that she found appealing. She closed the door and walked back into the living room. Nothing to do but get dressed and go to work. Or not. She decided it was time to use those sick days she had been saving up.

She called the inn and told them she wasn't feeling well and that she wouldn't be coming in until Monday. Michel protested, but she didn't care. She hung up quickly and went to purging the house of all that was a reminder. It was like going on a crusade to save the holy sanity of Lorelai.

* * *

"Rory, what are you doing?" Logan asked. 

"I am getting laundry done. What does it look like I'm doing?" she asked.

"Trying to build a replica of Mt. Everest with all of the cloth in the apartment." he answered with a smile. It was true; there was huge pile of sheets, clothing, and towels that was 6 inches short of being taller than she was.

"I'm just trying to get this done! So when I get home, we have clean sheets. And of course so I don't have to do any small loads for a while." she added.

"Come here my little clothing Nazi." he said.

"Hey! I am in no way a Nazi!" she protested as he pulled her into his arms.

"Oh, well then you have fallen prisoner to the Nazi clothing." he answered as he kissed her neck.

" Logan. I need to get the laundry done. I promise we can continue this tonight with the clean sheets tonight. But first, let me get the sheets cleaned. Ok?" she asked.

"Ok, but they better be extra clean if I'm gonna wait for 'em." he said.

"They will be!" Rory said as she pulled away and went to finish her laundry.

"So are you going to your grandmother's house tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah, I always do. Why?" Rory asked.

"Because I was wondering if you could get out a bit early and come hang with me. You know, like dinner." he said.

"I will see what I can do." Rory said.

**------------------------------**

**Dun dun dun! Who called? Whom did Luke talk to that wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise? Why is Lorelai acting the way she is? And what is wrong with the town? Did they really all escape from a mental institution? Well, you'll just have to wait! Tell me what you think though. I think this is one of the better chapters, and I would really appreciate it if you reviewed. Please, for my writing's sake? Well, here's my quote of the chapter:" The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'." –Larry Hardiman. What do you think of it? I like it, it's funny. Hehe. **


	10. Sickness Is Quite Common in This Family

The Doodle Bops! Sorry, just one of my random thoughts. So, has anyone seen the new Superman movie? I think it's one of the greatest movies ever, and no offense to Robin or myself, but I think that Superman could kick Batman and Robin's asses anytime he wanted. My 5 year old brother seems to disagree, but his reasoning never is very logical. Now I would like to make the announcement that I might not post another chapter for a few weeks, due to my issue with writing write now. It seems that my writing seems to be rushed a bit, so I am going to take a little tiny itsy bitsy (…yellow polka dot bikini…) break from writing, and I hope to recover from my writing sickness soon!

So back to the reason you are reading this. Here is my new chapter. I think it's so pretty! What about you? It's the longest chapter I've posted of this story (je pense) and I hope you all really like it. This chapter will answer the question "Whom did Luke talk to that wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise?" from the bottom of the last chapter. Well, without further babbling or talking or talkativeness, or Superman rants or...Ooo! Puppies, I give you, chapter 10!

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything, please don't sue. Oh wait, I lied. I own a few books._

**Chapter 10: Sickness Is Quite Common in This Family**

"Hi Grandma!" Rory said as she entered the Gilmore home. She had come a bit early, knowing her mother wouldn't be there for another half hour because that would go against the 'Always Be Late rule' her mother had put into effect the night these dinners were started. Of course, Lorelai was now the only one who lived by the 'Rules to Dining With the Gilmore's' list Lorelai had made, but Rory still thought about trying them out every once in a while.

"Hello Rory! How lovely to see you so early! What a lovely dress you're wearing tonight! Is it new?" her grandmother asked.

"Uh…no." Rory thought for a moment. "I washed all of my laundry and this was at the bottom of the pile, so I didn't recognize it either." Rory said. Emily laughed a bit.

"Well come in, I would have had your drink made, but the maid didn't hear the door so I had to come answer it instead of make your drink. Stupid imbecile. Got her just yesterday and already proving to be incompetent of her job. Where do they get these people? 'Stupidity-is-us'?" she asked. Rory decided to take that as a rhetorical question.

"So I was wondering if I could leave early tonight Grandma." Rory asked.

"Of course! May I ask what for?" Emily asked curiously.

"Logan has dinner reservations or something. All he told me was that dinner would be involved." she said.

"Well then I guess you won't be having dinner here." Emily concluded sadly.

"Oh, no, Grandma. I'll eat here. You know how much I eat. Plus it gives me more time to spend with you, Grandpa and Mom." Rory said. Little did Rory know that Lorelai was going to be a bit preoccupied during dinner.

"Well that sounds wonderful." Emily said. Just then the doorbell rang.

"I've got it! I've got it!" yelled the maid as she rushed to the door. Emily closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead.

"Grandma, are you ok?" Rory asked.

"Just a headache." Emily answered.

* * *

"Hello Lorelai." Emily said as she opened the door. 

"Mom? What are you doing answering the door? And how did you know I was here? I didn't ring the bell." Lorelai asked.

"The maid has no intelligence whatsoever so I've taken over the duty as door opener tonight. And I figured by now you'd be waiting outside wondering if it was worth coming inside." Emily answered.

"Ok." Lorelai said confusedly.

"Come on in then, don't wait outside in the cold." Emily commanded. Lorelai moved into the foyer.

"Mom, it's 70 degrees out, it's not cold out." Lorelai informed Emily.

"Lorelai." her mother warned.

"Ok, fine. It's like Antarctica outside. Thanks for letting me in mom. I wouldn't want to lose a foot due to severe frost bite." Lorelai said sarcastically.

"What would you like for a drink?" Emily asked as she walked into the living room.

"The usual is fine Mo--" Lorelai stopped mid-sentence when she saw who was sitting next to Rory. Why would her mother invite him? Was she stupid? Had she not heard her the other day?

"Hi mom!" Rory said, getting up off the couch and going to hug her mother. She hadn't seen her in about a week and that long was an eternity for a Gilmore Girl.

Lorelai stood still and speechless as she stared at Luke, who was staring right back.

"Lorelai?" her mother interrupted their staring contest. "Lorelai." Emily demanded the attention again.

"Yeah?" Lorelai asked.

"I asked how much ice you wanted." she said.

"Uh…I don't…I…" Lorelai was trying to process everything at that moment, but she couldn't have an argument with her mother about the unexpected guest in front of said guest.

"Yes?" Emily asked.

"Can I speak to you in the other room?" Lorelai asked.

"Yes, I suppose." Emily said hesitantly. She thought she knew what this was about, but she could have sworn that she had been told that…oh well.

They both walked into Richard's office, leaving Rory and Luke alone together to wonder what the hell was going on.

"Mom, why is Luke out in your living room?" Lorelai asked the second the door had shut.

"Well after your little break down a week or so ago, I thought that you and Luke were done, but then I called the inn up to talk to you the other day and Sookie answered. She said you weren't there but you said you were going to the diner to fix things. I figured since there wasn't a call that you and Luke weren't together and was assured by Sookie that you had fixed it all. Now whether I was misinformed or not, he is our guest now and is waiting. So we must make due with the situation we have." Emily said.

"Crap, see this is what happens when you lie to your best friend." Lorelai told herself.

"What?" Emily asked her.

"Nothing. It's nothing. So, ok. We'll go out there and be…pleasant." Lorelai said. She never thought that those words would ever come out of her mouth, especially at her mother's house.

"Yes. Now let's go." Emily said as she pushed Lorelai out of the room and towards the living room.

"Sorry about that." Emily apologized to Rory and Luke.

"Grandma, when is Grandpa going to get here?" Rory asked.

"Oh, in thirty minutes or so. He had a late meeting. I swear, if he keeps coming home late, I'm going to have to push dinner back to eight." Emily sighed. She didn't like having to eat dinner without her husband, even if it was for only 15 minutes.

* * *

"Ma'am, dinner's ready." the maid said. 

"Took long enough." Emily said as she walked into the dining room. The other three were wondering about the seating arrangement now. Lorelai had been silent and made no jokes whatsoever while they were having their drinks and now everyone was starting to wonder if she was dying or something. Luke had just sat next to her, keep as far away as possible, speaking only when asked a question.

Emily saw that Rory, Lorelai and Luke were just standing in the doorway, wondering where to sit.

"Well, take your regular places." Emily said forcefully. "Luke, you can sit next to Rory." she said, knowing that Rory would be leaving in a few minutes anyway.

"Grandma, I have to leave anyway. I'm sorry I wasn't able to eat dinner, but I'll see you next week. Bye grandma." Rory said. She gave her grandmother a quick kiss on the cheek and left, but not before shooting her mother a sympathetic look. Lorelai gave her daughter a weak smile and sat down in her normal seat.

"So, why don't we sit down?" Emily said as she took her usual place. The other two sat down slowly.

_Why the hell didn't I just not show up! _Luke thought. _I have no damn obligation to this woman, OR LORELAI! If she wants to live alone, then fine! She can! But why did I have to be stupid and come? God, what the hell is wrong with me! _Luke yelled at himself in his head.

_Why did I do that? Why couldn't I just have accepted his help last night? Am I that stupid? Am I that damaged and unworthy? Do I not deserve Luke's love? Why? Is it my fault, or have I always been like this? Ah! I wish I could just die! Maybe I'll get a chance to talk to him after dinner. Maybe I'll be able to tell him I'm the idiot and I want him back. It was my entire fault, that's what I'll tell him. _Lorelai told herself.

"Mom, what is this?" Lorelai asked, referring to the food in front of her.

"It's lamb. I thought you liked lamb." Emily said.

"I do…it's just…well, I'm not feeling good right now. But I'm fine. Don't worry." Lorelai said. She felt the need to vomit at that moment.

"Are sure, you're looking a bit pale." Emily said, truly concerned.

"No, I'm fine, I promise. It's just a bug or something." Lorelai said.

"But you never get sick." Emily pointed out.

"That's not true!" Lorelai said, offended that her mother would say such things! "I had the chicken pox once!" Lorelai defended childishly.

"Lorelai." her mother said sternly.

"Mother." Lorelai said in mock seriousness.

"Lorelai, are you sure you're fine?" Emily asked again. It felt like the twentieth time in the previous five minutes.

"Yes I'm fi--can I use the bathroom?" Lorelai asked quickly. She didn't even wait for an answer before running into the bathroom where she vomited up her lunch and the small amount of alcohol she had drunk.

She was in there for about five minutes, leaving Luke and Emily alone for enough time for a potential fight to arise.

"So Luke, how's the diner?" Emily asked him. She was being abnormally nice that night, and it was beginning to freak Luke out. Never in all his time of knowing of Mrs. Emily Gilmore did he remember a nice story or moment about her. Not one. But here she was acting as if she was a saint. Had their lives really turned this far upside down?

"Oh…uh, it's fine." he answered truthfully.

"And you're daughter…"

"April." he finished for her.

"April, yes, how is she?" Emily asked.

"She's fine."

"And in school?"

"She's the top of her class." Luke said.

"Reminds me of Rory." Emily answered. She didn't know why she was being nice. Maybe she was finally beginning to see that Luke and Lorelai should be together, and was trying to get them back together. Either way, she didn't even have the answer.

"Yep." Luke said. It was silent for a few more moments.

"So you and Lorelai…?"

"We're just having some issues." Luke answered.

"And are you going to work through them?" Emily asked. Luke didn't have the answer. He wanted to last night, but she had turned him away, so now she could go and marry any other man right that moment and he wouldn't care. He thought.

Just as Emily was about to ask her question again, Lorelai walked back in.

"Sorry about that." Lorelai apologized.

"Have you thought about seeing a doctor?" Emily asked. She had her suspicions as to why Lorelai was feeing this way.

"Mom, it's fine, it'll go away." Lorelai tried to reassure her mother as she took a tiny sip of water.

"Well what if it doesn't?" Emily asked.

"It will, mom."

"Lorelai?" Luke asked. He also had the same thing on his mind as Emily did. _Maybe she could be…is that why she asked if I wanted to have a baby?_

"What?" she asked him, annoyed now. Luke just looked at her, waiting for an answer to his unspoken question. "What?" she said, raising her voice ever so slightly.

"Lorelai, can I talk to you in the other room?" Luke asked.

"Luke, we're in the middle of dinner. We're guests. It's rude." Lorelai said coldly.

"Lorelai. We. Need. To. Talk." Luke said. Lorelai couldn't ignore him now, because with her knowledge of their fights, Luke's next move would probably to yell if Lorelai didn't listen.

"Mom?" Lorelai asked.

"Go ahead. I have to call your father and see what's taking him anyway." Emily said as she removed herself from the table to use the phone.

Luke got up quickly while Lorelai tried to take her time, wanting to avoid being in a conversation like the one she knew her and Luke were going to have. It was absurd. Why would they think that? Luke, of all people should know it wasn't possible. This conversation would kill her, or leave her heart in little tiny bits on the floor. She didn't want to remember how she had been the one to ruin it, and how she was at fault for making her dreams disappear.

They both walked into her father's study, where they knew that they wouldn't be interrupted.

Lorelai shut the door slowly; Luke had his back to her. He quickly spun around when he heard the door click.

"Lorelai, why are you sick?" he asked.

"Luke, I told you, it's just a bug." she said.

"Really? And why don't I believe you?" he asked. He wasn't mean, or rude, it was just a simple question.

"Because you're you and you never trust what I say." she half spat.

"Lorelai…are you pregnant?" he asked.

"No!" she yelled.

"Well that's not very convincing." he told her, he was now the overly annoyed one.

"And why not, Luke?" she asked him.

"Because your mother is right, you never get sick in your life, and…Oh my god!" he exclaimed. "Is the reason for last night?" he asked.

"Luke! I. am not. Pregnant." she told him.

"But how do you know?" he asked. "Have you seen a doctor, taken a test?" he asked.

"Luke! It's impossible to be pregnant when we haven't had sex in three or four months! Don't you think I would have noticed it by now? Did you really feel the need to push that hard to get the answer Luke? When I said no, I meant no!" she said, crying just a little bit. She could feel the pain from the previous night coming over her again. "Now if you don't mind we have to get back out there before my mother thinks we've killed each other." she said. Just as she reached for the door, Luke spoke.

"How does she know about us fighting?" he asked.

"I told her. She's my mother and she deserves to know." Lorelai said. She never thought she would hear herself say that. Never. But she did, and she wasn't lying. Her mother had been willing to buy a house for them, why shouldn't she know that at that moment, the two weren't really planning on getting married?

"Wonderful." Luke retorted.

"Shut up." Lorelai told him as she went towards the dining room, only her putting on her happy face.

* * *

"Well that was a good meal. It was wonderful to have you over Luke; I hope to see you again." Richard said. He had finally gotten to dinner but he hadn't been informed of the fact that Luke and Lorelai weren't getting along. 

"Nice seeing you too Richard." Luke said back. "May I use your bathroom?" he asked.

"Sure." Richard said as he went to say goodbye to Lorelai.

"Bye dad." Lorelai said, giving him a quick hug and then moving on to her mother. "Bye mom. See you next week." she said, oddly enough, also giving her mother hug.

"Bye Lorelai." her mother said pleasantly.

Lorelai grabbed her purse and left. She went outside and just stood staring at the ground. There was still some light in the sky, but not much. She heard the door open behind her. She turned around to face Luke. He saw her and then walked over to his truck.

"Luke, wait." Lorelai said as she chased after him.

"What?" he asked bitterly.

"Luke, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been acting the way I have been, and I'm sorry about tonight, and I'm just sorry." she said. She looked exhausted, but Luke did want to deal with her.

"Well, that makes one of us." he said as he opened the driver's side of the vehicle and got in.

"Luke, please." she begged. "Please, I've been living miserably for the past week or so, and it's because you're not there. Luke, please, just let me back in." she begged.

"no." he said as he turned on the engine.

"What?" she asked. She had expected him to be bitter and angry, but not like this.

"I said 'no'. Last night was the last time. It was the last time I would even think of you and I." he answered.

"Luke, I'm sorry for last night." she said.

"I'm tired of you being sorry for everything!" he yelled. "I've always forgiven you! Always! And anytime I do the same, you refuse to let me back in until I get down and worship the ground you walk on! No more! I'm done! A relationship is supposed to be equal, but you seem to get more out of it that I do! I am done trying to make things better and letting you back in so easily! Now it's your turn! You find a way to make everything all better! Until then, I'm done!" he ranted to her. He pulled his truck out of the driveway, and left a shocked Lorelai standing there.

* * *

Lorelai had somehow made it home without getting into a car accident. She had stood in the driveway and cried for at least 10 minutes. 

Now she just wanted to let it all go. Luke had rejected her. And even though she knew she deserved it, she just wanted to die. She wanted it all to be over, and not even the fact that she had a daughter, parents, and town that loved her could change her mind. The only problem was that she didn't have enough strength to do it. She just wanted it to be over, but she could never truly kill herself.

She had found herself on the couch watching the lights from the cars passing by enter the window and run along the wall. Not that many cars were going through, but it didn't matter. It was something to focus her mind on other than her issues with Luke.

She fell asleep that way. She did realize that she forgot to feed the dog. She also didn't realize that she left the kitchen door open. Lastly, she didn't realize that even if Paul Anka was terrified of everything in sight, he would run outside in order to find something to eat. Too bad she didn't realize that.

--------------------------

**So here it is, suck up all the unhappiness while you still can! Our sale ends tomorrow! Please review, it is greatly appreciated, and my penguins will be your best friend if you do! Here is my quote of the chapter: "It does not matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you do not do it in the street and frighten the horses." - Mrs. Patrick Campbell **

**What do you think of the quote? Do you have any predictions about the story? Do you have any questions about the chapter? Do you think I need to get a pet grasshopper? Please, just give me a review, even if it's to tell me I would be better off just getting a pet flea.**


	11. Give a Little Bit

Okay, so I've officially joined that cult of crazy people who can never find time, or are just too lazy to update frequently enough. Yes, I'm thinking they might make me their leader...I'm that lazy. Over a whole month. I can't believe it has been an entire month since I last posted a chapter. I did have it all written, but I've decided to take the last few chapters I had and changed them because I hate the ending I have now. But I do have this, and it should be all edited and all pretty. So please forgive me, throw a few tomatoes or other various rotten vegetables if it makes you feel better. I deserve it.

_Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls did not come with the cult membership._

**Chapter 11: Give a Little Bit**

Luke was beating himself up. He was feeling that he was stupid. But yet, he didn't care. He knew he was right. She had always had ridiculous expectations. He was the way he was. He needed time that night when she gave the ultimatum. She didn't think he deserved it and that he should go by her rules. His instincts were to help her when she was crying on the ground, but she turned him away. She wanted to play by her rules at every moment. She thought that the world revolved around there. There was no room for compromise, no room for negotiations, no room for Luke.

When he pulled up to the diner, he unlocked the door and went to clean the counter. It only took him 5 minutes to break all but two of ketchup bottles. He finally gave up and he threw the rag onto the counter before going up to bed.

He changed into sweat pants and a t-shirt and was about to turn off the lights when the phone rang. He answered it.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Luke? I just tried calling my mom about ten times, both on the home phone and on her cell, but she didn't pick up the phone! And then I called again, and again, and I think I've called at least nine or ten times in the last half hour! I think something might have happened to her! Like maybe on the way home, or grandma killed her as she was leaving the house or something because we all know grandma is capable of that, although probably not that strong to physically kill her so maybe she guilted her into death or had the maid hit Mom over the head with a vase or something!" a frantic woman ranted on the other line.

"Rory?" Luke asked confusedly.

"I mean normally we talk right before she goes to bed, but she didn't call me so I tried the house and no one answered those fifty million times I called!" Rory panicked. She was freaking out and on the verge of tears.

"Maybe she didn't hear the phone." Luke suggested after understanding what Rory was talking about.

"No, she always hears the phone. She could be in a coma and come out of just because the phone rang!" Rory half joked.

"So you want me to…?"

"Can you please just run over there and see if she's home! I'm just really scared Luke." she said. She was now crying over the phone. That scared Luke. He didn't ever remember Rory crying. Lorelai, yes, but not Rory.

"Rory, it's going to be ok. I'm going to go over there now, ok?" he said soothingly.

"ok." she sniffled.

"Where are you?" he asked.

"What?" Rory asked.

"Where are you? So if I need to call you." he repeated.

"Oh, I'm at Logan's apartment. You have the phone number to the apartment, right?" she asked. Her sniffles were getting less frequent.

"Yeah. Rory."

"Yeah?" she asked.

"It'll be ok. I promise." he said. Even though he hated Lorelai with every fiber of his being right now, he couldn't turn Rory away. He just couldn't.

"But how can you promise? Do you have the power of foresight?" Rory asked rather snappily.

"Rory, you just have to trust me. Okay?" Luke reassured her.

"Ok." She answered meekly. "Thank you Luke." she whispered.

"No problem. Bye." he said.

"Bye." she sniffed and then they both hung up.

Luke, in his sweats and t-shirt ran down the stairs and out the diner door, not even worrying to lock it. As he started to run to Lorelai's house, it started to rain. Hard. And by time that Luke got to the house, he was soaked to the bone. No exaggeration needed.

He got up to the door without any problems, but then he thought of how he could just go home, and try to drink the night away with the new case of beer he had. But then he remembered how freaked Rory was. She wasn't just afraid, she was terrified. Rory was what kept him from just walking away.

He knocked on the door a few times. No one answered. He knocked again.

"Lorelai? Lorelai? Are you in there?" he yelled. He received no answer. Now he was starting to get freaked. He figured that now would be a good time to just go on inside, regardless of whether it was his house now or not.

He opened the door, which was unlocked, and found nothing unusual. Here shoes weren't by the door, so that suggested that she wasn't home, but her purse was sitting right there in the middle of the foyer. He slowly walked into the living room, saying "Lorelai?" as he went along. When he heard an annoyed moan coming from the couch, he looked over in that direction and saw that someone was lying on the couch. He figured it was Lorelai.

"Lorelai?" he asked.

"Go. Away." she whispered coldly.

"Lorelai, what are you doing?" he asked, throwing the same bucket of ice in her face.

"Luke, leave me ALONE!" She yelled. She was a bit emotional right now. Why did she have to deal with this? Why was she the one with this repeating pattern of emotional torture coming at her?

"No!" he yelled back. "Your daughter just called me! She's fucking worried sick that something happened to you! She told me to come over here and make sure you were still ALIVE! Is that really the way you treat your daughter? You're obviously awake! So you ignore her phone calls? I thought that even through this, you could stay by Rory's side, and be her mother, but you are not the Lorelai I know. The Lorelai I know can at least keep in contact with her daughter. The Lorelai I know at least tries to keep things from spiraling out of control! This is why I refuse to let you in! Because you can't keep your part of the bargain! When things get tough, you curl up into a ball and cry! When things get tough you--" he was interrupted by Lorelai.

"When things get tough for you, you pull away from EVERYONE! Even me! You hide yourself away. Do I need to remind you of your dark day? You have no right to say that I'm not tough enough! That I'm not strong enough! I've been strong for 18 years! For 18 years! Just for Rory! And now you won't even allow me to cry when you tell me to go screw myself?" she asked while yelling. "That's not fair!"

"I didn't tell you to go screw yourself!" he yelled back.

"Not in those exact words, but yes, you did! And I'm sick of this! You said you loved me and wanted to marry me for who I am! Well this is who I am! Did you not like what you were getting? Was I not good enough for you!" she spat.

"You were! I was the one that didn't deserve you! But you don't know how to divide the responsibility in our relationship up! You think that I should do everything and that I should follow your rules, your lead! Not anymore! You think you had a hard life Miss Gilmore, well try living without your mother for the past thirty years! You try losing your father ten years after your mother! You try having to support your sister over and over and over again, only to have it thrown in your face, and left standing alone! Have you EVER been alone? Have you? Have you ever been without Rory, your best friend? Or maybe Sookie? Or maybe Mia? Have you ever been without family or friends?

"My sister moved to god knows where and I didn't hear from her for ten years! How the hell do you get off saying you had a hard life? So you had a kid at 16, she was your key to getting out of the hell hole you lived in! You came to Stars hollow, and you had to work. Oh well! I've had to work since I was ten! And then you had the help of the whole damn town in raising Rory! So don't tell me you had a hard life and that I'm getting off easy!" he yelled.

"Do you know what it's like raising a child alone? I was alone! I couldn't talk to anyone; I even keep things from Rory and Sookie even to this day! I didn't have anyone to talk to! I WAS alone! So don't YOU tell ME that I didn't have it hard either!" she yelled back. "now get the hell out!" she yelled.

"Fine!" he said as he stormed out. "Don't forget to call Rory, you know, the child you've been ignoring for the past half an hour!" he retorted as he walked, still soaked, back to the diner.

* * *

"Luke?" Rory answered the phone frantically, not paying attention to the caller ID. 

"No Ror, it's…uh, me." Lorelai said, knowing what was coming next.

"Mom! Where the hell have you been! I was worried about you! I thought you had gotten into an accident or grandma had had the maid off you! Oh my god! Is your heart supposed to beat like this?" Rory asked as she felt her heart racing erratically.

"I don't know, how is it beating?" Lorelai asked.

"Like you were jumping that time when you drank four pots of coffee in under twenty minutes." Rory answered.

"No, your heart probably isn't supposed to be beating like that." Lorelai answered her previous question.

"Where were you mom?" Rory asked, obviously a bit calmer now.

"I was taking a shower." Lorelai lied.

"At night?" Rory asked suspiciously.

"I was washing away the Emily stench." Lorelai quipped.

"That bad?" Rory said.

"Well, kind of." Lorelai said.

"Kind of?"

"Well, I mean, she was nice and all, it's just the night went a little badly." Lorelai explained. She could tell Rory was going to ask what happened. "Don't ask, it's complicated, and I'll have to explain it to you the next time you're here." Lorelai said. She knew that Rory would get that she needed to process something, and Rory had always respected that.

"Ok. So, you're ok?" Rory asked.

"Yep, peachy." Lorelai answered.

"So you and Luke are still--"

"Not together. And I don't think that that will change, Rory. When he came over here, we had a screaming match, with nothing resolved. He pretty much told me that I'm selfish and that I'm too hard on him." Lorelai said, still shocked that Luke, her Luke, would say things like that.

"Well…" Rory started.

"No way!" Lorelai said.

"What?"

"You agree with him?" Lorelai asked.

"Well, kind of." Rory said.

"But why! Why doth my child abandon her mother that birthed her in the moment of greatest need? What hath he done to you? What kind of mind control did thy frail brain connections get subjected to?" Lorelai asked.

"You are too hard on him sometimes and you are somewhat needy." Rory said.

"Rory!"

"Mom! You wanted to know!"

"but you are supposed to lie to Mommy and say that no one is better que moi!" Lorelai said.

"Where did you learn that from?"

"What, the 'que moi' thing?" Lorelai asked.

"Yeah." Rory answered.

"Remember that one time where we went to dinner at your grandparents' house and you spoke French to that guy and his wife?" Lorelai asked.

"Vaguely, yeah."

"Well that's the one thing I learned that night. Well, I guess the fact that my mother is an evil person who never lets you live your life the way you want to was reinforced in my mind too, but I already knew that." Lorelai answered.

"Ok, well I have to go and sleep. You know, to be able to tolerate you tomorrow." Rory joked.

"Well that's so sweet of you. I'll make sure to have drunken at least 6 pots by the time you get here in the morning, ok?" Lorelai asked.

"If you do, I will hide a gun in our bathroom and then take you out. It might be a tranquilizer gun though." Rory said.

"How do you know there isn't one in there already?" Lorelai asked.

"Well I don't know where it is, so I won't be able to use it. So remember, drink that much coffee and you will be sleeping for the rest of the day on the living room floor with a dart in your neck."

"I'll remember that. Goodnight babe." Lorelai said.

"Night mom." and then they both hung up. And now, onto the loneliest part of the day--sleep.

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So what do you all think? Remember, rotten vegetables are accepted and will be happily received. Oh, and reviews are also a nice thing to give.

Oh and here's my favorite quote of all times. It's from Grey's Anatomy (I know, but I swear I am not turning my back on Gilmore Girls at all! I just like the quote!), it's from the episode No Man's Land for all of you who are wondering, and here it is: "_Intimacy is a four syllable word for 'here are my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy'_" What do you think of that quote? I think it is the most fantabulous quote ever uttered on this planet! What about you?

So Reviews are pretty, and if I get enough, I might be in the mood to finish up the rest of the story this weekend! Maybe, but It might get put off until next week. But I promise it will NOT be a month. PLEASE REVIEW! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! For the sake of the monkeys!


	12. Don't Hurt Casanova!

Ok, so for some of you that reviewed, I said I would try and get a chapter up by the end of today. Well here it is. I don't really know about it. It might be a bit weird and cheesy. Where did they come up for that usage of cheesy, anyway? It's kind of odd, don't you think. It's like saying "oh, you're pancakey" or "that story was really macaroni-ish, wasn't it?" I mean, where did all of these food adjectives come from? Did someone just spend too much time staying with their mother way into their 50s or something?

Anyways, just a bit off topic there. Well I hope you enjoy, and special thanks to thosewho reviewed. Those people would be: **JennatheJesusfreak**, **Charmedchic72** (what would I do without you? you are the reviewing god!), **Nubes**, **sarahb2007**, **proFeSseR** (you rock my socks! And my spell check doesn't like you.), **Lolabelle26** (I missed you!), and **Luke-and-LorelaiLuva6292**. You are my heroes and I received not vegetables from you! Yay! On with the story!

_Disclaimer: No, I still own nothing. _

**Chapter 12: Don't Hurt Casanova!**

"Luke's diner, this is Luke speaking." Luke answered the phone. It was almost 6 and a few of the regular townies were already starting to show up. He hated them all. They kept trying to find out what the hell went on last night. Obviously Babette heard some yelling and Immediately called Miss Patty who called every person she knew in town--everyone.

"Yes, this is Taylor." Taylor said. Luke turned around and looked through the window, no Taylor, where was he?

"What d'you want Taylor?" Luke said, pissed that Taylor would even call him.

"Well, firstly, I was wondering if you could let my employees into the ice cream shop next door. I'm feeling a bit under the weather and I don't think it's wise for me to be going out into public and spreading my disease around." Taylor said.

"Your disease?" Luke asked.

"Well my throat is a bit sore and it might be strep throat or something, and I rather not chance spreading that to my employees and costumers." Taylor said as if it was so normal.

"Don't they have a key?" Luke asked.

"Well…no. I honestly don't trust them; they have never given me a reason to think of them as honest. So I don't give them the key or tell them where it is." Taylor said.

"And you think me letting them in will make your shop any safer?" Luke asked, losing his patients.

"Well…yes. Because you'll be there to watch them through the window."

"What!" Luke yelled into the phone. The three sets of people in the diner jumped and one of them spilt syrup all over his shirt.

"Well, see, it would be a favor for me and you know that I did do you a favor and let you speak to the town elders when you wanted that house and--"

"Taylor! I did not buy that house! I will never buy that house! And I will not let your stupid employees in! Find someone who actually cares to do it for you!" Luke yelled and then hung up the phone.

Everyone in the diner was now looking at him, including Kirk.

"What're you lookin' at?" he yelled.

"I'm coming Taylor!" Kirk yelled as he ran out the door towards Taylor's house. He had obviously been listening in on the conversation.

"Stupid damn town!" Luke yelled as he threw kirks cup of coffee into the sink. The cup shattered into little pieces as the coffee diluted itself into the water of the filled up sink.

"Hey Luke, bad day?" Jess said as he stood in the doorway. Luke just stood stupidly staring at his nephew. "Well aren't we chatty this morning. Is Lane here?" jess asked.

"Uh…yeah, she's just getting some pickles in the back." Luke answered.

"Hey Luke, I can't find any of the--hey Jess." Lane said as she stopped in the middle of diner, looking at the man who had dumped her best friend a few years previously.

"Hey Lane, I'm going to take Luke off your hands for a bit, can you cover?" Jess asked.

"Yes!" Lane said enthusiastically. Jess saw this and smiled.

"Come on Luke, let's go for a walk." Jess told Luke.

"Jess…"

"Now!" Jess said forcefully, knowing that he needed to get Luke away from the diner before he killed someone. Luke quickly obliged and exited the diner.

"Thank you." Lane whispered to Jess. Jess just winked and left, knowing just where to take Luke.

* * *

"Mom! Mom! Where are you? Don't make me smash Casanova!" Rory yelled up the stairs.

"No! No! No! No! No! Don't break him! Don't break the coffee maker! Don't you dare! I gave you life and I am not afraid to take it away!" Lorelai said as she rushed down the stairs in her underwear and a tank top.

"You could have put on some pants." Rory said.

"Uh, no! You were threatening to kill Casanova! Why would I waste time to put on pants? Plus Casanova likes to see me in just my underwear." Lorelai joked.

"Mom! I don't want to know about your walking around my house in just underwear!" Rory said.

"oh, I walk around in much less, like the last time that James the new mailman came, I was wearing just a bra and underwear because I thought it was Luke" Lorelai's voice fell. "And it wasn't." she finished.

"I'm sorry mom." Rory said.

"it's ok, it's just so odd, because even last time I had some hope, but it just seems like the whole damn world is against me in this battle and there's no way I can win." Lorelai vented.

"Mom, how about I make some coffee, while you go shower and get dressed." Rory said.

"But it's Saturday."

"So?"

"We have a tradition of not getting dressed until 10 on Saturday mornings. And remember we promised if we broke even one of these said traditions, that we would eat salads for lunch for a week." Lorelai explained.

"Break the tradition just this once. You've done it before, and besides, we'll forget this ever happened, or do I need to mention all of our traditions that you've broken in the past?" Rory threatened.

"Going to take a shower now!" Lorelai said as she ran up the stairs.

* * *

"Where the hell are we going!" Luke said as jess pushed him along. He stopped about twenty yards away from the bridge.

"Here. Stand here." jess said to Luke.

"What the hell is this all about?" Luke barked. Jess hit him on the side of the head. "What the hell jess? Have you lost your mind?" Luke asked as he rubbed the spot that jess had just hit.

"That's funny. That's really funny." Jess said as he laughed slightly.

"What?"

"Have _I_ lost _my_ mind? The real question is, have _you_ lost _yours_?" jess asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"You yelling at Taylor--"

"I always yell at Taylor." Luke answered.

"Not like that. And then there's the coffee cup--"

"I'm having a bad day." he said.

"And now this horrible tone you are taking with me. Luke, what the hell are you doing?" jess asked.

"What are you talking about? I have no clue what you mean." Luke lied.

"Yes you do, now I have heard from Patty--"

"Oh, this is going to be good." Luke laughed. Jess looked serious though.

"I have heard from Miss Patty that you and Lorelai were yelling at each other last night, and it was mainly you doing to yelling." jess said.

"Jess you have no business in this." Luke said.

"Damn right I do! Now listen! You are being a stupid idiot!" jess said. Luke just rolled his eyes.

"I don't have to deal with this." Luke said as he started to turn around. Jess grabbed his arm.

"Yes you do. Someone has to tell you what a stupid ass you're being! You don't seem to want to listen to Lorelai, or the town, or anyone else, so I'm here to just tell you to stop being an idiot! Luke, you're ruining your future. You are going to look back one day, and think, 'hey, if I had only listened to him, I would be holding Lorelai with a couple of kids running around!' you're being stupid, and you need to grow up. You want the relationship to be equal?"

"How did you--"

"Babette has really good ears, anyway, do you?"

"Sure." Luke said.

"Well then you need to grow up and show Lorelai that you've changed, and that it's her turn too. Please Luke, for the diner's sake?" jess asked.

"What?"

"You know a breakup between you and Lorelai equals crappy food. It's a science." Jess joked.

"Jess, I don't know…"

"Come on." Jess said as he started to walk away. He wanted Luke to follow him. Luke reluctantly moved from his place and caught up with Jess who stopped on the bridge.

"Do you know who was here a week ago, crying, wanting to just let the water take them?" jess asked as he stared into the water where he could see a few fish swimming around.

"No, I don't." Luke answered honestly.

"Lorelai. She talked to Rory, who then talked to me. I guess Lorelai didn't realize what she was saying when she confessed that she was thinking of suicide. Maybe she was drunk; maybe she was just so shocked she didn't understand what she was saying. Whatever the reason for her confession, you Luke, you caused that feeling inside of no hope." jess said as he took his eyes off the water and looked straight at Luke.

"I--" Luke started but before he knew what was happening, he felt pressure on his chest and felt gravity pulling him off the bridge.

Jess had pushed him and had watched him fall into the water.

"Jess! You stupid piece of crap! I'll--" Luke said as he struggled to swim over to the dock.

"well, you needed some sort of wake up call." jess said as he walked back towards the diner, knowing that Luke wouldn't be to pleased, so jess decided to take the side route, to avoid confrontations in public of course.

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So what did you all think? Was it pancakey enough for you? Well please review. It might take a while to get the next chapter or two up because of my writer's block. If you have any ideas, please feel free to tell me because I NEED them. Here's another quote from Grey's anatomy that I can't seem to remember from which episode it occurs, but here it is: "I hate you! And your cake!" I know it's not funny all alone there, but it was a funny scene. Ok, well PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW!


	13. Are You My Mother?

I promised to have another chapter up by today, just for Asta-Gilmore, and here it is. I don't have much to say, so, read on! Oh, and thanks for those who reviewed the last chapter.

Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with Gilmore Girls.

**Chapter 13: Are You My Mother?**

"Ok! I'm showered, dressed, and ready for a good coffee-ing!" Lorelai yelled as she ran down the stairs.

"Sorry, all gone." Rory said as she walked into the living room.

"What! You drank all of the--" she stopped when she saw Rory's smile. "Oh! You evil child! Don't ever scare me like that again! Do you want your old mother having a heart attack from all of that artery clogging food?" Lorelai asked.

Rory looked at her in awe…had she really just admitted to the horrible consequences of her eating habits?

"Ok, fine, they don't clog arteries, but people like to blame that for their heart issues. Better?" Lorelai asked.

"Yes, much. Now go drink your coffee, before I go and smash the coffee maker." she threatened.

"He has a name." Lorelai shouted as she made her way into the kitchen.

_"You are not naming the coffee maker William." Luke said sternly. _

_"Why not?" Lorelai said. _

_"Because it doesn't…suit the coffee maker." Luke answered lamely. He had other reasons, but he didn't want to voice them. _

_"Oh, so you know about naming coffee makers now?" Luke didn't answer as he flipped a pancake. "Fine, so what is the coffee maker in your apartment named?" Lorelai asked. _

_"I didn't name my coffee maker." he deadpanned. _

_"That's what you said about your toolbox too." Lorelai said while giggling. _

_"That's because I didn't. You did." he answered with a smile, knowing where she was going with this. _

_"Oh, I didn't mean that toolbox, I meant your other one." she said. _

_"I never named that one either. That was you." Luke answered her. He turned his head so he was facing her. She pulled him in for a kiss. She pulled back with a sweet smile on her face. Her eyes were closed, but then she opened them quickly and shouted;_

_"Oh! Oh! I just got the perfect idea!"_

_"What?" Luke asked, afraid of the answer._

_"Why don't we name it after you?" Lorelai suggested. _

_"You want to name your coffee maker Luke? But then I might get confused when you start yelling 'Luke' in bed, I mean, would you be dreaming of me, or the coffee maker?" Luke asked. _

_"Hmmm, good point. Let me think on this." she said. _

_Luke finished making breakfast and they both sat down to eat their food. Once they were done, Luke grabbed the plates and started to wash them. _

_"Hey, how about we give the coffee maker after one of your nicknames." Lorelai said. _

_"Oh, god. What this time?" Luke asked, regretting he even asked. _

_"How about…drum roll please…Casanova!" she yelled. _

_"Lorelai, have you gone insane?" he asked._

_"No, I've always been like this." she said in a girly voice. _

_"Of course you have, why do I even ask." Luke said to himself. _

Lorelai opened her eyes after the flashback to see that she had already downed half the cup of coffee in her hand. Thinking back to those times was hard for her. It made her want to cook. It made her want to cry. It made her want to ring the bells of her Notre Dame again.

But she couldn't, time went on, and no one had invented the time machine yet.

--------------------------------------------

Luke crawled out of the water and stormed to the diner.

"Jess!" he shouted as he walked in the door. Jess was no where to be seen. But there were many people staring at him. It was probably because he was soaked to the bone and looked angry. Those two things combined could not be good.

"Ah…Luke. What happened?" Lane asked.

"That little…FREAK…pushed me into the water! Where the hell is he!" Luke was freaking out. Lane tried to stifle her laughter, and was doing a pretty good job considering how funny Luke looked.

"I…haven't seen him, but you might want to go change before you go continue your search." Lane suggested.

"Oh." Luke said as he looked down at his wet clothes. "Yeah, I probably should, if you see him, just tell him he's dead." Luke said.

"Sure, anytime." Lane said, laughing at how funny everything was working out. Had Jess really pushed him in? Lane wouldn't put it past him.

---------------------------------------

Rory walked into the kitchen to find her mother at the table looking through a book.

"What ya up to?" Rory asked.

"Oh," Lorelai said, looking up startled to find that Rory had been standing over her. "I'm just looking through this. How long have you been standing there?" Lorelai asked.

"Oh, just a few minutes…" Rory caught sight of the book she was looking at. "Mom, what are you doing looking at a cook book?" Rory asked.

"Oh, you know, just thinking of something to make." Lorelai said, unbelievably.

"Since when do you cook?" Rory asked, not believing her mother for a second.

"Oh, since yesterday. I saw it in the store and decided it was about time I learned to cook." Lorelai said, with a smile on her face of course.

Rory felt her mother's forehead.

"What are you doing?" Lorelai asked.

"What have you done with my mother?" Rory asked.

"Funny." Lorelai said, looking back down at the book.

"So why are you cooking?" Rory asked.

"Because I want to." she said in defiance. "Do I need a reason?" Lorelai asked.

"Do you claim to be my mother, the reining Lorelai Gilmore, who had built a life for herself, by herself, without the help or the request of help by her parents?" Rory asked.

"Hmmm…" Lorelai faked for a moment about how to answer that. "Why yes, I believe that is me." Lorelai said happily.

"Then yes, you do need a reason." Rory said.

"Because I want to, there's your reason. And there are some things children shouldn't know." Lorelai said.

"Mom, I act older than you, so who's the child here?" Rory asked.

"Hmmm…still you." Lorelai answered with a smile on her face.

"So anyway, back to the real reason for this conversation…why are you cooking?" Rory asked again.

"I'm not." Lorelai said.

"What?"

"I'm not cooking; I'm looking at a _cook book_. There's a difference." Lorelai stated smugly.

"Ok, fine. Then why are you looking at a _cook book_?"

"Because I can, it's a free country, and I'll starve if I don't learn how to cook." Lorelai said.

"Mom, you and I lived off junk and take out for over twenty years, and now you think you can't do it again?" Rory asked.

"Hey! I resent that! Take out falls under the category of junk, so why doesn't candy get its own category? Huh, like 'you and I lived off from candy and junk and take out for years…' which is much more appropriate and less hurtful towards the candy. Did you think about that?" Lorelai asked.

"Mom! Answer the question!" Rory begged.

"Fine, I can't live off just junk food anymore because my body has gotten used to the good stuff so now it wants more, and I don't have Lu--anyone to cook it for me anymore so I've got to learn to cook it myself." Lorelai argued proudly.

"Fine, I give up. You are impossible." Rory said as she walked back into the living room.

"Love you too Hun!" Lorelai shouted after her as she went back to secretly noting on what occasions Luke made what dish, hoping to be able to recreate the events in her mind, or her nostrils rather.

------------------------

So what do you think? Did anyone notice the title? Hmmm...who can anyone tell me who writes that book? Now, I don't really have a quote for this chapter, but I do have this:

_There once was a man from Peru, who had a knack for eating a lot of glue. He hated his wife, who had an obsession with her carving knife, but tried to make pancakes all the same. His name was Manuel Garcia, and hers, Jaba-da-hut Wilkins (she never took his name). They had a fish named Mambo who was having an affair with Jaba-da-hut. Jaba had a son, who miraculously bore gills. Even so, Manuel had no clue that Bubba, Jaba's son, was not his own. _

_So he looked in the cookie jar for some food, but only found a banana. And since Manuel was an emotional eater, that was not gonna cut it. So he went shopping and brought home some beer and some carrots. "Yum" he said. Then he called his fat lazy dog over and gave him the carrots them he put the 6-pack of beer into the refrigerator and went to bed. _

_Afterwards he killed a chicken and ate it as a midnight snack. He then had a cup of coffee with his new wife who had had plastic surgery so many times that her nose was falling off and her breasts were the size of Texas. His old wife had left him for Mambo and had moved with their son to Texas. His new wife also had some skeletons in her closet...both her ex-husbands to be exact. Manuel, one day, decided to leave his new wife for his half-sister Roberta. So his second wife (the one with all of the plastic surgery) killed him and gave birth to their demon son who ended up taking over the world at age 7. _

_THE END! (This story was written by my sister and I.)_

Please review.


	14. I Lost It! I Mean Him!

Hehe, so here is the next chapter. I told a few of you that I would update in two weeks or so…well, here it is. I lied. I'm a liar, so sue me. Oh, and I think that this is my last fic because school starts in a couple weeks for me and I can't be continuing this. I have to focus on ONLY school. Sorry. Well here it is! Smile and be happy! Or not…

_Disclaimer: Don't sue me, please! Pity the little ducky with now arms or legs, just some wings and webbed feet! Doth though not love me?_

**Chapter 14: I Lost It! I Mean Him!**

"Come on Rory, pick up." jess said as he waited for Rory to pick up her phone.

"Hello?" Rory answered.

"Hey it's Jess."

"Oh…hey. How are you?" Rory asked hesitantly.

"Oh, you know, I'm good. So hey, I was wondering how your mom's doing? Is she ok?" Jess asked concernedly.

"Uh…yeah." Rory asked. Jess was being really strange. She had only talked to him once in the past week or so, but she had always called him since the kiss, as if he was afraid she would hang up on him. "But it's weird, because she's just all cheery and she's not really wallowing or depressed or anything, it's as if this Luke thing means nothing to her." Rory added.

"yeah, well, Luke' the exact opposite." jess said.

"You've seen Luke?"

"Well I'm in town for the weekend…didn't your mom tell you I was staying at her inn for the weekend?"

"No, she didn't. She doesn't really remember anymore, she's got other things on her mind and those are the kinds of things that get forgotten in the jumbled up mess of a memory she has." Rory joked.

"Really? I always thought she had a pretty good memory." jess said.

"Only when it came to what the hell wrong you had done to her town and daughter." Rory said.

"And Luke."

"And Luke." Rory agreed.

"So anyways, I'm in town, and I just had a little talk with Luke, and he's a little mad now so I was wondering--"

"What did you do to him?" Rory asked.

"What?"

"What did you do to him? Luke only truly gets angry if someone does something to him first, so what did you do to him?" Rory asked again.

"Well I kind of pushed him off the bridge…"

"Into the water?" Rory asked for clarifications.

"Yeah…"

"Hold on a sec." Rory said. She put her hand to the phone so Jess couldn't hear what she was saying and walked into the kitchen. Her mother heard and quickly changed the page she was on. Rory noticed this but decided to let it go.

"Hey sweets, what's up?" Lorelai asked. She saw the phone. "Who's on the phone?"

"Oh, it's Jess. I was just wondering about the time that you said Luke," Rory paused for a second, "pushed Jess off the bridge and into the pond." Rory finished.

Lorelai looked at her surprised.

"Oh, that. Yeah, jess was being a stupid punk and stealing stuff and Luke just lost it. I can't say I blame him. Jess deserved it." Lorelai said.

"Thanks." Rory said. She walked back into the living room and removed her hand from the phone. "Ok, I'm back."

"Ok…if you don't mind me asking, what was that about?" Jess asked.

"Oh, I was just refreshing my memory about when you got pushed off the bridge by Luke."

"Luke told you about that?" jess asked in disbelief.

"No, but he ranted to my mom who then told me." Rory said.

"Of course, you tell one Gilmore girl something, the other one will soon find out." jess joked.

"And you should expect nothing less." Rory said.

"Yeah, so your mom is fine with the Luke thing?"

"Well I don't know. On the outside, she seems like it, but I think she might be bottling it up or maybe just ignoring it. How's Luke?"

"well he's just burning food, not cooking it enough, breaking things, yelling at people more than usual, it's not right. So I had a little talk with him, and then pushed him in the pond and now he's probably looking for an axe to use to cut my head off." Jess joked.

"Well if you deserve it…"

"Hey!"

"Just kidding. So I have to go, my mom is freaking out about something in the kitchen and I'll talk to you later about this, ok?" Rory said.

"Yeah sure, either call Liz, the inn, room number 9, or my cell phone number. Good luck trying to get anything out of Lorelai. Bye." Jess said.

"bye." and then they both hung up.

"Mom? Mom! What's wrong?" Rory said when she saw Lorelai running around the house looking panicked.

"I can't find him!"

"What?"

"I can't find him!" Lorelai repeated. She was panicking and looking through all of the cupboards, under the sink, and even in the refrigerator.

"Who are you looking for?" Rory asked, confused as to why her mother was freaking out.

"Paul Anka! I can't find Paul Anka! No, no, no! This can't be happening. It's like that time he wouldn't eat, and that time he ignored me because I wouldn't let him have my cookie! I'm a bad person Rory! I've neglected my dog! And now I can't find him!" she freaked out as tears started to come streaming down her face.

"Mom--"

"What if he's stuck under the bed?" Lorelai said as she raced towards the stairs.

"mom--" Rory tried to get her attention again.

"And I didn't feed him last night…oh my god! Maybe he's starving stuck under the bed!"

"Mom! Calm down!" Rory yelled at her mother.

"No! I can't! I'm a horrible person and I can't find my dog! I can't find the one thing that would eat my disgusting brownies that I made for thanksgiving last! No person or animal would touch them, but he did! And now I've failed him!" she panicked.

"Well maybe he got outside." Rory suggested.

"But how? I didn't leave the front door--oh my god! I left the kitchen door open! Maybe he got out that way!" Lorelai said.

"Ok, so all we have to do is go and find him. Is there anyway to get him to come to you without putting sugar on my toe?" Rory asked.

"Yes! He liked the meatballs I made last night, I have some left over! We can give him those." Lorelai said.

"Ok, I'm going to go searching in the woods, you go through town, ok?"

"Ok, but Rory, what if we don't find him?" Lorelai said, panic in her voice.

"We will find him, now just get some of the meatballs and go look for him, ok?" Rory said.

"Ok, yeah, sure." Lorelai said.

Rory grabbed her half of the meatballs and left out the kitchen door, and went into the woods.

Just as Lorelai was about to leave she remembered she forgot what was upstairs. She remembered why she had been just a bit preoccupied this morning, not enough to be noticed by anyone but herself though.

She ran up the stairs and came down with a ghost white face. This was not good. But she had to put the Paul Anka situation first.

She slowly grabbed the meatballs left over, and left the house with a look of horror on her face. This could not be happening to her all at once.

-------------------------------------------------

"Lane! Have you seen Jess?" Luke said, just a bit calmer this time. He seemed in a hurry and in no time to fool around.

"Uh…no, but Miss Patty mentioned him walking extremely fast out back of her studio." Lane told him.

"Ok, thanks. You still able to cover for me?" Luke asked.

"Yeah, I've got everything covered. Don't worry." she told him. Luke nodded and left, headed towards Miss Patty's studio, no matter how dangerous that would be for the life span of his sanity.

He was about half way there when he saw Lorelai walking away from Patty. Lorelai was on the verge of tears and looked as if she was panicking more than ever. It scared Luke. It scared him so much that he finally realized that he had been standing in the same spot for the previous three and a half minutes.

"Luke, dear, can I help you?" Patty said as she tore his eyes away from Lorelai.

"Uh, yeah. I heard you saw Jess. Do you know which way he was headed?" Luke asked.

"He was headed towards the Book store the last time I saw." she said. She then got an idea. "Luke, if you don't mind, could you tell me more about this situation between Lorelai and yourself?" she asked curiously. She still wanted to know more. Luke looked at her in disgust.

"No." he said plainly and headed for the book store. When he got there, he saw a familiar brunette in the store talking to Andrew.

"Please Andrew! Have you seen him?" she asked.

"No, I've told you already." Andrew answered in frustration.

"But are you sure?" she begged.

"Yes, I'm sure!"

"Andrew--" Lorelai started to ask again.

"Luke, can you get her out of here? You were engaged so I'm guessing she wouldn't mind so much if you had to physically remove her from here." Andrew said. Luke looked at him as if he was crazy, but he did it anyways.

"Lorelai." Luke said quietly as he lightly touched her arm. She flinched and turned to him. She looked surprised that he was there. She stood in a stupor for a few seconds but when she regained her sense of reality, she quickly made a line to the door. "Hey, Lorelai." Luke said as he walked after her.

"What?" she asked, almost on the verge of tears. It was then that Luke looked down and noticed the bag of meatballs she was holding in her hand.

"hey." he said, trying to calm her down while stroking her cheek. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"I lost him." she cried.

"You lost who?"

"I lost Paul Anka." she sobbed.

"And the meatballs are for…?"

"I made them a couple nights ago and he liked them, so me and Rory figured that he would be lured to us by the meatballs, but they haven't worked so far. He's very good at smelling but I guess he's just decided that I'm not a good of enough person and you figured it out, so why not him?" she sobbed even harder. Luke pulled her into a hesitant hug and let her cry into his shoulder while he retained the look of confusion on his face. Was he supposed to be doing this? Shouldn't he be telling her to go to hell?

"Hey, it's not your fault. He's a dog, and he doesn't know any better." this only caused her to sob more. "And you'll find him." Luke added. Lorelai looked up at him. She then realized what she was doing. She broke away from him and slowly turned away from him.

"Luke…thanks…I'll just go and find him then." She said distantly as she dried her tears.

Luke was silent. He watched her slowly walk away, and then when she had gotten at least twenty yards away from him, she started to run towards Kirk. Of course towards Kirk, who else was crazy enough to drop what they were doing and help Lorelai with her search?

---------------------------------------------------

Luke cursed himself for letting her go. Even though he disliked Jess greatly, he still had to admit that Jess was right. Luke had to stop waiting for Lorelai and be the first to step up.

He put his hands over his face and sighed. He threw his arms up in the air and went back into the book store to see if Andrew had seen Jess.

----------------------------------------------------

So what do you think? Good bad? Icky? Blah? Tomato-y? Blueberry-ish? Just some suggestions. So please tell me, you know you want to!_To Robin: I changed a bit around…see if you can figure it out! There are actually two parts different! _And here is my quote which is actually the beginning apart of "Sparkle Me" by The Buffseeds:

"_Her eyes were made of sequins, __Lined up just like penguins, __To flap their wings and then kiss her feet."_

I think it's kind of funny in a way, but I like it…because of the penguin eyes of course. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!


	15. How To Save a Life

So how much do you love me now? Two more chapters to go…I would like to give thanks to all of the people that review…you make me all smiley inside! I would like to give special thanks to Robin, who says the rest of my story is awesome…you'll just have to take her word for it. I would also like to thank Charmedchic72 who still holds the reviewing god position, and is my faithful faithful little procrastinator at cleaning. I would like to give my last thanks to proFeSseR for just being a wonderful person and I think that she is the most amazing and motivated person on EARTH! Yay!

_Disclaimer: Shut up and go away. _

**Chapter 15: How To Save a Life**

Rory and Lorelai had searched for Paul Anka until 3:56 the next morning, when Lorelai had collapsed of exhaustion, and Rory, who was almost as tired, had to get Kirk (who was helping them look for Paul Anka) to put her in the backseat of Rory's car.

Once Lorelai was situated in the backseat, Rory drove off, with extremely loud music on to keep her awake and headed towards home.

She came 7 inches away from running a cat over, 2 inches from running one of Mrs. Dinkle's six mailboxes over, and had taken out three of Babette's gnomes, before actually making it home.

Rory couldn't even remember being this tired during the dance marathon. Never.

Rory had tried to get her mother out of the backseat and up to the steps, but it was impossible to get her more than a few feet from the car (by dragging of course). Rory had just enough strength to shut her car door and then she collapsed next to her mother on the ground, where they slept for the following four hours and 34 minutes.

------------------------------------

Luke felt empty. He had located Jess, and yelled at him and taken some swings with his fist, but had eventually decided that he had a diner to get back to, and let Jess off easy.

That night he had heard the calls of Kirk, Rory, and Lorelai, all calling for Paul Anka. He had felt the need to go outside and make it all better by telling Rory and Lorelai (who cares about Kirk?) that he would find the dog if only they would go and try to get some sleep.

But he hadn't. He hadn't gone out and comforted them, and he new that Jess would kick him for this if he knew, but Luke didn't care.

The truth was that he just didn't know what do say to Lorelai. She was a mystery to him; even after all their time together. First she wants nothing to do with him, then she did, then she didn't, then did, and it was now back to her pushing him away. How could he make his first move if he had no clue how she would react?

He had made the move two years ago, but he didn't know where that courage had gone. Maybe it was just a temporary thing. Maybe it was just him imagining things. Maybe he had been high back then.

They were all possibilities, but that didn't help his situation in the least bit.

He laid in bed for 6 hours and 56 minutes, and it wasn't until 3:56 in the morning that he fell asleep.

Symbolic or what?

------------------------------------

Lorelai felt herself being shaken awake. She felt herself being violently shaken awake. She tried to open her eyes but the presence of sunlight prevented that.

She shielded her eyes and moaned in annoyance.

"Go away." she swatted.

"You're okay? Rory's okay? Oh god! Me and Morry were worried about you!" she said as she clutched her heart in relief. "Morry! They're okay!" Babette shouted to her husband who was on the porch trying to repair one of the gnomes.

"Okay!" he responded as he put pressure onto the head of the little wooden being.

"Babette? What are you doing?" Lorelai asked, still lying on her back. She glanced next to her to see Rory and lots of grass. "What? What am I doing here?" she asked herself.

"I don't know!" Babette answered for her. "I just came out this morning to find my three babies over there, all broken into bits, and you guys lying here!" she said dramatically. "We thought someone had attacked you and claimed the lives of our gnomes!" she sighed.

"What?" she asked she slowly sat up. She shook her daughter. "Rory, come on. Get up." she said. Rory stirred slightly but then hit her mother as hard as she could without getting up.

Rory then felt something crawl on her face and her eyes shot open. She jumped up and started to screech and swat at her own face, while her mother laughed.

"Help! They're getting me! They're--hey! What are we doing outside?" Rory asked. It then hit her that she had driven home and then her and her mother had slept on the ground, Rory dreaming of little termites crawling on her. Maybe those were ants. _Eew! Gross! _She thought to herself.

"I don't know." Lorelai said. " the last thing I remember, we were looking for Paul Anka with Kirk and then it got a bit fuzzy and then I woke up to Babette shaking the crap out of me." Lorelai said.

"Paul Anka? He's been on your porch since about 6 last night waiting to be let in." Babette told them. "Look, he's still there." Babette pointed up to the porch. There he was just lying down in front of the door.

Lorelai threw her arms up in the air and sighed. She then looked at Rory. "Wait, didn't Kirk say he was going to check our house at around 9:30 last night?" Lorelai asked. Rory thought for a moment and then remembered that it was indeed true.

"Yeah, so this is technically his fault? That we're _here_, just waking up from the _ground_, the girls who never went camped, and yet here we are sleeping _outside_." Rory said.

"I'm gonna kill him!" Lorelai said, pushing herself off the ground. "thanks Babette." she said to her neighbor.

"No problem. Tell me if you need anything." Babette said and then went to go help her husband put the gnomes back together…as much as they could at least.

"Bye." Rory and Lorelai said at the same time.

"So what do you want to do now?" Rory asked.

"Well, coffee would be nice, and then maybe Kirk's head on a platter." Lorelai said.

"Hmmm, sounds tricky, think we can pull it off?" Rory asked.

"Of course we can, we're Gilmores! But it will be impossible if we don't get that coffee soon." Lorelai said.

"So then let's go inside and make some!" Rory said. Lorelai thought for a second and then her face fell. "What?" Rory asked.

"We don't have any more coffee." Lorelai confessed.

"What!"

"Well I was going to get some yesterday but then this came up."

"Oh…ok, then we'll go get some at Luke's or something…" Rory said, knowing if they did, she would be the one going in and getting the coffee while her mother stood outside.

"Rory, before we get dressed and coffee, I have to tell you something." Lorelai said.

"Oh, ok." Rory said.

"Inside maybe." Lorelai said.

"Sure." Rory said as they walked up to the door. Paul Anka raised his head as they approached and when he saw them, he stood up and waited at the side of the door, waiting to be let in. "hey mom?" Rory said.

"Yeah?"

"I think I ran over Babette's gnomes." Rory said.

---------------------------------------------

"What can I get you?" Luke said mechanically to a man waiting at a table.

"Hmmm, maybe some blueberry pancakes and coffee." The man said as he looked at the menu.

"That it?" Luke asked.

"Yeah. That's it." the man said as he handed Luke the menu.

"It'll be ready soon." Luke said and walked away. Luke hated people. They were too happy. They were too cheery. They were just too alive. Luke hated that they could enjoy life and he couldn't. He guessed he was just jealous.

"Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke!" Kirk shouted as he entered the diner.

"What?" Luke asked angrily.

"I need toast!" he said hurriedly.

"Ok….?" Luke said skeptically as he put some bread in the toaster.

"No! I need it now!" Kirk said.

"Well you are going to have to wait. I can't magically make heated bread up and turn it into toast. Now sit down!" he ordered.

"No! I need the toast now or she won't marry me!" Kirk said frantically.

"What?"

"Luke, lulu won't marry me if she doesn't get toast this morning. With strawberry jelly!" Kirk said.

"What are you talking about? Did she actually tell you she wouldn't marry you if she didn't get her toast, with strawberry jelly, from _my diner_?" Luke said.

"Well…no. But she loves toast more than anything else, even more than me! And I want to propose to her, and I know she will say no unless I do it while she's eating toast with strawberry jelly!" Kirk answered.

"Ok…suppose all you say is true and she will say no if she doesn't eat toast--" Luke started.

"With strawberry jelly." Kirk added.

"…with strawberry jelly. Is there a reason you need the toast from _here_? Can't you make it at your mother's house or something?" Luke asked.

"Your toast is better. Plus mother is not speaking to me since I ran away from home." Kirk answered.

"Well that makes perfect sense." Luke said sarcastically.

"Yes. Now can I have my toast?" Kirk asked. Luke looked at the toaster as the toast popped up.

"Hold on Kirk." Luke said as he spread some strawberry jelly onto the toast. He then handed the toast over to Kirk.

"Thanks. How much?" Kirk asked.

"It's on me as long as you get out of here in the next five seconds." Luke said. Kirk quickly grabbed the food and ran from the diner as soon as he could.

"What's up with him?" lane asked.

"He wants to propose to lulu." Luke said.

"Toast with strawberry jelly?" lane asked.

"Yep." Luke answered as he went to grab the food that Caesar had just finished making.

"Here." Luke said nonchalantly as he placed he blueberry pancakes in front of the man who had ordered them. Luke then went and got him his coffee, and just when he was about to leave the man alone, he stopped him.

"What was up with that skinny man that was just in here?" the man asked.

"Nothing. That was him being normal." Luke said. "Is there something else you need?" Luke asked as the man stared in front of him.

"Ah, yeah. Why is that woman over there staring and smiling at me?" the man asked nervously.

"Oh, that's Miss Patty. That's what she does." Luke smiled at the fact that he wasn't the target of her wandering eyes today.

-----------------------------------------

**Knock knock…I would really appreciate reviews because this story is almost over (two more chapters!) and it will be my last. I will not be able to access the internet tomorrow or the following day, so when I come back, I would love to find my email full of those pretty little critters that brighten up a writer's day. The faster the reviews come in, the faster I get the last two chapters up. I might even get them both up by the beginning of next week. Yay?**

**No quote this week, but you can make one up, right? But I do have a little random fact for you…my brother will not eat toast if it has grape jelly on it, but he will if it has strawberry jelly on it. I told you it was random.**

**Oh, and** _Where Does the Good Go?_** Can someone elaborate on that for me?**


	16. Why Can't We Look the Other Way?

So here it is. Merry Hate Your Grandmother Day. Sorry it's taken so long to get the chapter up. I've just been volunteering at the hospital and I've had to pick up the slack of my sister being out of town with a friend, and all that other excuse type stuff. Hey, did you know "pouty" is not a word.

I dedicate this chapter to **Ann**, who put in an anonymous review. She was the only one to respond to the inquiry at the bottom of the last chapter. It was the one about "Where Does the Good Go" which is a wonderful song that I love and worship, and dance to every night…well, maybe not every night.

And I would like to apologize to all of you in advanced that I lied to. You will know who you are once you read the first part of the chapter. Sorry. I just can't give stuff away! So I lie. It's not illegal, just immoral.

_Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls, or the song "Evil" for which the title of this chapter comes from. It's by Interpol for those of you who are interested. _

**Chapter 16: Sandy, Why Can't We Look the Other Way?**

"So what is it mom?" Rory asked.

"You have to promise not to tell anyone. It's a secret and I am the only one that knows it right now. Ok?" Lorelai said.

"Sure. What's up?" Lorelai took a breath and continued.

"I'm pregnant." Lorelai said. Rory looked at her in shock. "Say something."

"How?" Rory asked.

"Well see when a man and a woman love each other very much--" Lorelai started.

"No, I mean that you said that you and Luke hadn't had IT" Rory said, trying not to picture her mother and Luke getting all hot and heavy. "In a while, and now you're saying you're pregnant." Rory said.

"I know. I don't know how, but I am." Lorelai said.

"What are you going to do?" Rory asked.

"I don't know." Lorelai said.

"Tell Lu…"

"No! I can't! I don't want to go through this again, because Luke will be all nice and happy and he'll ask me to marry him and he'll act like your father did, and then it'll just be a repeat of 22 years ago. I don't want that. I don't." Lorelai said.

"Mom, you have to tell him." Rory said.

"Rory, no I don't." she said.

"Mom--"

"No Rory! I don't! It is not your job to tell him either! This is my problem and I will deal with it!" Lorelai snapped.

"How? This just won't go away." Rory told her mother.

"Don't you think I know that Rory? I've been through this again, and I can do it again!"

"Mom, how are going to keep a kid from Luke if you live in the same town?"

"I don't know! But that's my issue, not yours. Now let's just go and get coffee." Lorelai said as she grabbed her purse and walked out to her jeep. Rory waited a few minutes, huffed and then followed her mother outside.

------------------------------

"Hey Luke." jess said as he walked into the diner with a huge grin on his face.

"Jess, I swear, if you come any closer I will stick your head in the deep fryer." Luke threatened.

"So you're a little cranky today? Well this shall be fun then." jess said with an even bigger smile. Luke threw his pad of paper onto the counter and walked briskly towards jess, who held out his arms. "Now Uncle Luke, remember we are in a public place and we wouldn't want you to break anything in the process of trying to kill me now would we?" jess said.

"I'll give you five minutes to get out of here and then I'm personally removing you." Luke said.

"I come here as a customer. Can you really give away the chance to sell me some of your wonderful burnt toast and furious anger?" jess asked.

"I have the right to refuse to provide my services to you." Luke said.

"But that doesn't mean I can't sit down." jess said.

"My property." Luke said.

"My four minutes and 31 seconds." jess said.

"Fine." Luke said as he retreated into the kitchen. Jess sat down at a table next to the door with a great view of the street and Doose's. He saw Rory and Lorelai get out of their jeep, both slamming the doors as they got out. He could see them arguing outside.

"Mom, come in!" Rory ordered.

"No! I am not going in." Lorelai said. Just bring me out a coffee please." Lorelai said.

"I'm not bringing you anything out. Look, there's Jess. I'm going into talk to him. If you find the nerve, then come in and get a coffee." Rory said as she marched into the diner and joined Jess and started talking about what a fowl mood Luke was in. it took only sixty seconds for Lorelai's withdrawal from caffeine to kick in, so she sulked into the diner slowly.

"Nice to see you." Rory said. Lorelai just glared at her daughter.

"Be careful, Luke's in a horrible mood." jess warned Rory and Lorelai.

"Ok." Lorelai said. Just then Luke walked out of the kitchen, only to see Jess sitting with Rory and Lorelai.

"Jess, what did I tell you?" Luke said.

"Well technically I still have one minute and fifty-seven seconds left, but these fine ladies decided to join me for coffee, so I have no control over my presence here. Sorry Luke, but I can't leave until they tell me I can." jess said innocently.

"Jess!" he said.

"Uh, excuse me? Can I get some more coffee?" the blueberry pancake guy asked. Luke glared at jess and then went to get the coffee.

"Yeah, Luke we all want some too." jess said. Luke glanced back and him and glared some more and Rory put on the pouty face while Lorelai looked down and started fidgeting with her fingers.

"fine." he said.

"So, Luke still hates you?" Rory asked.

"Definitely. With a passion. I don't know why of course, I was completely right to do that to him. He _was_ being an idiot." jess said.

"And still is." Lorelai mumbled.

"Why thanks. That makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside." Luke said as he walked over with their coffee. Lorelai blushed and looked at Rory pleadingly who only tried to hold back giggles.

Just then she caught sight of a man who was eating blueberry pancakes. He was staring at her and smiling. Lorelai flashed a little smile back.

As Luke left their table, Lorelai looked down at her coffee and tried to focus on only that, and not Luke, not being pregnant, not Rory, not jess, not the guy sitting one table over. But she couldn't. So she decided to just listen to what the guy and Luke were saying.

As Luke poured the blueberry guy's coffee, the man asked "hey, that woman over there,"

"Lorelai?" Luke asked.

"The one in the pink tank top." the man answered.

"Lorelai. What about her?" Luke asked territorially.

"Do you know her number?" he asked. Lorelai almost spit up her coffee at this.

"Why?" Luke asked.

"Well come on man, it's obvious. So do you know it?" he asked. Luke hesitated and then answered.

"No, I don't. Enjoy your coffee." Luke said as he walked away. Lorelai felt like Luke was being an idiot. He had no right to do that. He had no right to silently claim her. She wasn't his anymore.

"Hey, I'm going to the bathroom." Lorelai said as she got up. She slipped a little piece of paper onto the blueberry guys table as she walked off to the bathroom. The man looked at the paper and read it.

_357-4410_

_He lied_

Luke saw this gesture and felt hurt. Had she really just moved on like that? While he was still hung up on how to get her back? Maybe she never loved him to begin with and that's why it was so easy for her. _Well then why would she marry me? Because she was vulnerable and likes the thought that someone can be there to protect her._ Luke told himself.

The man smiled and stuck the piece of paper in his pocket.

When Lorelai came out of the bathroom, she headed towards her table, but instead of sitting down at hers, she sat down at the man's table.

"So, you wanted my number."

"And I have it now." the man said.

"Why yes you do. I'm flattered, but yet, normally people ask me themselves. And normally these number-askers come with names." she smiled. This was so taking her mind off of Luke and being pregnant.

"Brian Johnson." he answered as he held out his hand.

"Well, Brian Johnson." she said. "I'm Lorelai Gilmore. And what brings you into town on this fine day, other than scouting for woman, blueberry pancakes, and coffee?" she asked.

"I'm just passing through and it looked quite interesting so I decided to stop here. The signs were a bit confusing. William's hardware and Luke's Diner?" he said.

"Oh," Lorelai's face fell. "William was Luke's father and he doesn't like to let go of much so he left the sign up when he converted it into a diner. And that's the story. Don't worry. You're faster than me. It took me ten years to realize this was a diner." Lorelai laughed.

"So Lorelai, you are single, right?" Brian asked. Lorelai laughed. "Because you know I wouldn't want to be lead on for nothing." he said.

"Of course not, because that would just be too predictable?" she asked.

"Well it seems all the attractive ones are taking." he said, as he noticed that Miss Patty was still staring at him longingly.

"Oh, don't worry," Lorelai said, "Miss Patty's not taken." she joked as she saw Miss Patty stare at Brian while trying to make love to him with her eyes.

"Oh, well that makes me feel better." he said sarcastically. They both smiled.

"Well, if you want, I can hook you two up, and maybe you can finally make her happy." she joked once again. Brian looked at her horrified. Lorelai played into that horror, "because the last nine husbands couldn't." she laughed as she said it.

"Seriously?" he asked.

"Yeah, well, it might only be up to six, but the count is getting pretty high." she said.

"Want to do me a favor and not let he eat me alive while I'm still in here." he said.

"Sure. But I can't promise that she won't grope you when you go to leave."

"That's not right." Brian said.

"Of course it's not, but it doesn't stop her anyways. Maybe we'll have to sneak you out the back way." Lorelai said.

"maybe." he laughed. Just then Rory came over.

"Hey mom, I have to go and jess will get pummeled if he doesn't leave soon, so I'll see you later?" Rory said, eyeing the man sitting across from her mother.

"Sure hon, just keep away from Babette, she might figure out about the gnomes." Lorelai warned her daughter.

"Ok, bye mom." she said as she grabbed her purse and left.

"So that was your daughter?" Brian asked.

"Yeah…it was." Lorelai answered slowly.

"She's a bit older than mine." Brian said.

"You have a…?" Lorelai asked.

"I have a son. His name is Zachary. He's visiting his mother right now for the summer." Brian said.

"How old is he?"

"He's eleven."

"Yeah, Rory's twenty-one." Lorelai said.

"And that makes you…"

"Oh, well a true lady never reveals her age." Lorelai said in her horrible british accent.

"True, very true." Brian said.

"Ehem." Luke cleared his throat as he walked over to Lorelai and Brian with the pot of coffee in his hand.

"Hey Luke. How are you?" Lorelai said with a fake smile on her face.

"More coffee?" he asked.

"sure." Brian said.

"I'll have some too." Lorelai said.

"You have some at your table." Luke said.

"No I don't. The cup I had is now empty. I want more." Lorelai said.

"Fine." Luke said as he grabbed the cup and poured coffee into it and gave it to Lorelai. She took a sip and took in the aroma. Luke stood there for five seconds and then spoke up.

"Lorelai, can I talk to you?" he said.

"Maybe. Why?"

"It's a private matter." Luke said.

"Oh, well I'm a very open person Luke, you know that, so whatever you have to say, say it here."

"Lorelai, outside." she said.

"No, Luke." she refused.

Luke was getting angrier. He finally put the pot of coffee down and grabbed her by the arm and practically dragged her out the door.

"Ow, ow, Luke. Stop! What are you doing?" she asked as he released her arm.

"What are you doing in there?" he asked, pointing to Brian.

"I was talking to a man. And it's none of your business what I was doing." she told him.

"Lorelai--"

"No, I'm not yours Luke. I do not belong to you. I can talk and flirt with who ever I want to! You gave me up, remember? I asked for you back, you said no, now go to hell Luke." she told him.

"Lorelai, I was stupid! I was being an idiot--"

"Damn right, you were!" she said.

"And I just want to tell you that I'm sorry. Please, just give me another chance!" he begged. Lorelai thought about it for a few seconds.

"No. No Luke. I'm trying to move on because our relationship is going no where. So leave me alone! I don't want to be with you Luke!" she told him.

"Lorelai, just one more chance, please." he begged again.

"You had your second chance a year and half ago, now I'm done." she said.

"Lorelai--"

"You said you would never leave me Luke! You said no matter what you were in! That you would always be there for me, even if you hated me, even if we hurt each other than any normal person would stop caring! You lied!" she said as a tear streamed down her face.

_They lay in bed together. It was 11 at night, and they had decided to spend the night in Luke's apartment. _

"_Luke?" Lorelai asks as she sits up. She had been thinking about this for the longest time and had stayed up for two hours muddling through her thoughts. She hated her insecurities, but they were there, and she knew that they would go away. It was Luke. Luke created nothing but happiness in her life and was the one thing that could make her feel better about herself and her life._

_She couldn't stand it when other men complimented her because it was obviously some shallow thought that in popped into the guys mind like 'oh, you look good' or 'you look like an angel' or some other stupid cheesy line that could only attract some extremely drunk woman. But Luke was different. He told her she was wonderful and special and fantastic. To her, that meant she, herself, not her looks, not her intelligence, but her personality and the whole package. Luke made her feel like that. But she loved to just hear those three words._

"_Yeah?" he answered half asleep. He had been sleeping but Lorelai's voice was always able to wake him up…along with the few nudges she gave him in the back. _

"_Do you love me?" _

"_Of course I do. Now go back to sleep." He muffled to her through his pillow. She was now leaning over his back, which was turned away from her, to make sure he heard her. _

"_Luke?" she was very persistent._

"_What?" he said, half asleep, but none the less, still had enough consciousness to be annoyed. _

"_I love you." She whispered. . _

"_I know." he said with a smile. He rubbed up and down her arm that was dangling over his chest as she spoke. _

"_Luke?" she asked again. He finally figured out that she wasn't going to let him go to bed, so he sat up in bed. _

"_Yes, Lorelai?" he asked as he looked at her, but she gave him those eyes, so he couldn't be angry at her for keeping him from his sleep. He had even bought her a TV, couldn't she just watch TV? He could sleep through those sounds, but not her voice. He had selective hearing. _

"_Tell me you love me." Luke looked at her as if she was crazy. He looked at her as if she had just woken him up for this, on purpose, and was trying to sabotage his early morning deliveries. But Luke decided that he would just have to go along with her if he ever wanted to get back to bed. _

"_Lorelai Gilmore," he started, "I love you with all my heart." He said as he pulled her into his chest and kissed her forehead. "Now go to sleep." He ordered. He shrank back down under the covers and shut his eyes, only to be interrupted once again by her annoying questions that had been known to last up to an hour or two, sometimes she tried to keep it going all night long if she was extremely bored. _

"_Luke, when you say you love me, does that me you will always be there? Always? Like you'll never leave and you'll always stay with me no matter what goes wrong in our relationship?" she asked insecurely. Luke noticed this, but let it go because no matter what, he would always love Lorelai Gilmore. He had always known the potential was there deep down inside, but a few months into their relationship, Luke knew he loved her more than anyone else he had ever been with. _

_"Yes Lorelai. It means I will always be here with you." _

_"And I can sleep in your arms anytime I want?" she asked. "And kiss you anytime I want?" she quipped, throwing in a movie reference. _

_God, why does she have to throw in movie references this late in the evening, when I'm trying to sleep no less! Luke asked himself, although Lorelai would never be able to get him to admit that he had watched, and could even pinpoint her reference to Sweet Home Alabama. It would disgrace him if she ever knew. Of course that means that she would use that reference again in the morning to see if he had known what it was from and of course Luke would say something to give away the fact that he had, in fact, watched the movie once. _

_"Yeah, as long as you go to sleep." He told her. _

_"Ok. Goodnight." She said as she snuggled into him. After a few more minutes, Luke turned towards Lorelai's face and kissed her. "Luke?" Lorelai said questionably. "I thought we were going to bed?" she asked him. Now she was the one being interrupted. Luke just looked her straight in the eyes and told her what he was sure should have cleared up her insecurities. _

_"First, I need you to truly know that I'm not leaving you. Ever. I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. I promise." Luke told her. Lorelai just smiled at him softly and kissed his cheek. The action seemed to say 'I understand you know, I believe you, and now let's go to bed'. _

_"Luke?" _

_"What?" _

_"I'm not going anywhere either." _

"Lorelai--"

"No Luke. I have to get back inside." she said as she went inside. Luke stood there in shock for a few more seconds and then went inside with his head hanging.

Lorelai went to her table and sat down.

"Hey, you ok?" he asked.

"Yeah I'm fine. It was nice talking to you Brian, but you don't want to get mixed up with me. My life's so complicated that I can't even get through the day without having a breakdown. You'd be better off with Patty, and that's saying something. I'm sorry. The truth is I'm just getting out of a relationship that really meant something to me, and I don't want you to be the rebound guy. You deserve better. It was nice meeting you. Bye." she said as she kissed him on the cheek and left.

---------------------------------------------

"Ok, bye jess. Yeah, try and stay clear of Luke, he really seems to want to kill you." Rory joked as they stood on her porch. He leaned in to give her a kiss, but she pulled away.

"Rory--"

"I'm still with Logan, and he has changed. I love him." she said. "I'm sorry."

"It's ok." jess said as he walked off the porch and towards town to beat himself up for being so stupid.

And I request that you all review, because there is only one chapter left, and I will probably be posting it right after the weekend. I don't have much else to say, so here's my little quote-y thing-a-ma-bobber:

"_Let's waste time   
Chasing cars  
Around our heads"_

So what do you think? It's part of a song by Snow Patrol. It's a great song.


	17. Where Do You Go With Your Broken Heart?

So, this is the last chapter. And last story. I feel so sad, but so preoccupied with my own family issues. I would like to say that I am thankful for all of my reviewers who make my story magical to me somehow. Don't ask, it's me, that's all you need to know. So this is the last time I will get to dedicate a chapter. This one will be dedicated to three different "people".

**First**: Robin. Now that is not her name. Her real name is Lynn, but she's still Robin (hood or batman's sidekick; you choose) to me. She has been the one person that I have trusted to keep the fate of my stories secret. She is a wonderful friend, and we should all give her a round of applause.

_**Second**: Lolabelle26. It's your birthday today, and I promised to post this on your birthday. So here's your present._

**Third**: Sammy, my laptop. Dude, you've been there for me, even when the power went out, you still kept going!

So there you go. And the full story is dedicated to the tote bags of the world.

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. My grandmother had to pay for my school clothes._

**Chapter 17: Where Do You Go With Your Broken Heart in Tow?**

"We're closing." Luke said. He turned around.

"Luke, don't wait." Jess told him sadly.

"What?"

"Don't wait to tell her. Don't wait for her to move on and move away and smash your one last chance. Take your chance now." jess quietly.

"Jess, go away." Luke said angrily.

"Luke, don't wait! Don't let your chance pass by! Stop waiting to be miserable to realize your mistake! It's not too late!" jess tried to stress to his uncle.

"Jess--"

"Don't wait!" jess pleaded.

"Just go! Get out of here! I don't want to here this crap!" Luke said.

"Obviously, but it doesn't make it any less right. Your chance hasn't gone by Luke, mine has, but yours hasn't."

"Yes it has! I apologize I pleaded, she said no! So just go away! It's over for me! Just get the hell out of here."

"Luke--"

No! You don't know Lorelai! Once she's made up her mind, she's made up her mind. You don't understand the situation! You think I'm the one acting like a child! But I'm not! I'm not the one stomping all over someone's heart! I care! I love her! I take it seriously! I never believed in fate until her! But now I know it was just all a lie! She never loved me! She never wanted me! She just used me!"

"For what?" jess asked.

"I don't know! Who the hell cares!" he yelled.

"Luke, she's pregnant."

"She's what?"

"Pregnant."

"But how?"

"Luke, do I need to explain sex to you?"

"But she said she wasn't. She said that there was no possible way." Luke said to himself.

"Look, I have to go. You work this out by yourself. Bye." Jess said and then left to go to the inn.

"She's pregnant?" Luke asked himself.

---------------------------------

"Hello?" Lorelai answered the phone.

"Hey mom."

"Hey hon. What's up?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to check on you. So who was that you were with at the diner?"

"Brian Johnson. He has an eleven year old son Zachary. But it didn't work out. I don't want to make him the rebound guy. It is kind of cruel, so don't worry, mommy's still single." Lorelai said.

"Oh. Sorry." Rory said. "He seemed like a nice guy from what I heard of your conversation." Rory said.

"You were listening to us?"

"Just a little."

"Liar."

"Ok, a lot. But it was for your own good."

"My own good?" Lorelai asked.

"Yes, I had to make sure it wasn't your hormones talking for you." Rory said.

"Yeah, you're one to talk."

"Hey! No I'm not!"

"Dean. You slept with him while he was married. Once in our house, and then, as you told me last year, at Miss Patty's. If that isn't hormones, I don't know what is." Lorelai said.

"Fine, but I learned from my mistakes." Rory said.

"Of course you did…for now." Lorelai said.

"Hey!" Rory said. Just then Lorelai heard a knock at the door.

"I've gotta go babe."

"Kay mom. Bye."

"Bye."

Lorelai went up to door and opened it. There stood Luke.

"Wha?" she asked but was interrupted by his lips. She pushed him away. "What the hell are you doing?" she asked.

"What do you think?" he said taking a step towards her, but she took a step back. "Lorelai, I don't want my chance to pass on by." he confessed.

"Well that's your problem, not mine." she said as she retreated into the kitchen.

"Lorelai, I know about the baby." he said.

"Wha…you want to know what, I don't care how you know. And I don't care that you know. Just go." she said.

"Lorelai, I came here of my own free will, after hearing everything you said and thinking about everything I said and--" he started.

"And you thought you'd come here, be the hero of the story and come save me because it's the right thing to do? Just go." she said as she turned away from him.

"no." he said as he stroked her arm. "I didn't come here to be the hero." he said. She pulled out of his grasp. "I didn't come here because it was the right thing to do. I came here because it was the thing I wanted to do the most. I came here because I love you. I came here because I couldn't stand to hear that man ask for the phone number of the woman who, a month ago, had been my fiancée and the one person on earth I would give it all for. I came here because I couldn't stand to see you talk to another man like that. I came here because I couldn't stand to think of you in some other man's arms." he said.

"So you came to protect what was yours? Maybe tie me up and stash me in your appartment?" she asked.

"No, I came here because I love you. I do everything because I love you." he said.

"Oh, so you kept April from me because you loved me?" she asked.

"Yes, because I didn't want to break your heart." he said.

"So you refused to respect my space because you loved me? Luke, think like a reasonable person. I know I shouldn't be the one talking here, but here it is: Love is not want it's all about. There's trust and respect and honesty. None of which you seem to have." she shot back.

"You're right. In the past month or two, I've proven to have none of those, but does that mean that you don't love me? You don't respect my need for space sometimes. You weren't honest about Christopher. You didn't trust me to repair my mistakes on my own." he said.

"You're wrong, I did trust you to do that, you just didn't do it. And I have my reasons for what I did." she defended.

"And I have mine. What makes you different from me? How are your excuses better than mine? Why am I the one chasing after you all the time? Why can't you try sometimes? It's not because you don't want to, that I know." he said. She was silent, and still wouldn't turn around to face him. "Lorelai,"

"What?" she said as she started to cry.

"What are you afraid of?" he asked her.

_What am I afraid of? I'm afraid you'll leave me again. I'm afraid you'll hate me. I'm afraid I won't be good enough. I'm afraid that I'll leave you. I'm afraid you'll screw it up and not fix it. I'm afraid that I won't be able to fix it. I'm afraid of what I don't know. I'm afraid of how things will work out. I'm afraid of how life will be from now on. I'm afraid of my parents. I'm afraid of Rory. I'm afraid of my past. I'm afraid of the demons I hide behind my shield. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of you failing. I'm afraid of us failing. I'm afraid of you falling and not being able to get up. I'm afraid of not being able to help you up. I'm afraid of you not wanting help up. I'm afraid of falling down with you, and you not wanting to help me up. I'm afraid of the world. I'm afraid of my wedding dress. I'm afraid of April. I'm afraid of Anna. I'm afraid of the end. _

"I'm afraid of snow." she said.

"What?" Luke asked, caught of guard.

"I'm…afraid of snow."

"Why?" he asked softly.

"Because I can't control it, and it's no longer good or bad, and I can't depend on it. I can't shut snow out of my life because it has always been there and has always been the one thing that kept me going during the winters alone. It was the only thing that I could depend on, and I can't anymore. I can't hold onto the hope that it will snow. I can't wear that dress because the snow came down the day I got it. I can't do that because you lied to me then. The snow was perfect. The dress was perfect. It was all planned out. It was all perfect and ready. It was all there; but you weren't. The snow betrayed me and was the reason I couldn't handle it. So my only friend, who had never lied, had stabbed me in the back and covered up the wound so I wouldn't notice if for months, but now I see it. I see that life is falling apart and I don't want it to. If I let life go on, then it'll keep falling apart, and I can't. I can't do it. I'm afraid of the snow coming in a few months, and it hurting me again. Luke, I'm afraid to let the world continue spinning because then that means life will go on, and the snow will eventually fall." she confessed while letting the tears spill over.

Luke looked at her with a smile. "Well then I guess we have to move to California." he said. Lorelai turned around and looked at him.

"Or get me a new friend." she said.

"I heard the rain is a bit lonely." Luke joked.

"Maybe, but that's a bit depressing." she answered.

"Well I also saw my name in the column of lonely people in search of a friend." Luke said.

"I like that better." she said with a smile.

"Lorelai?"

"Yeah?"

"You can't just give up on the snow. It's always been there for you. Maybe it was just having a bad year? What if this year will be better for the…snow." he said.

"Are you trying to be symbolic?" Lorelai asked.

"Well I did pass high school English." he answered.

"Luke?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you promise me one thing?" she asked.

"What?"

"That you will truly never ever ever ever ever go anywhere again." she asked.

"ok, then I promise that, on Jess' soon to be grave, that I will never ever ever ever ever go anywhere again." he said with smile.

"Are you really going to kill him?" Lorelai said.

"Maybe. Maybe not." he said. "Why?"

"Just wondering." she said.

"ok." he said. "So can I kiss you know?" he asked.

"Of course. Go for it." she said.

Luke leaned in and kissed him but then pulled back and looked her in the eyes. "So I've been told that it's customary for a man that loves a woman to propose to her." he said.

"Well only if she loves him." Lorelai said.

"And?"

"Hey, did I ever tell you I love you?" Lorelai said with a smile on her face.

"Did I ever tell you I want to marry you?"

"I think you have before." she giggled.

"Well will you still marry me?" he asked.

"Of course. You are the man I love after all." Lorelai said. All of a sudden she heard a ringing.

"What is that?" Luke asked.

"Oh, my timer. I figured out how long it takes for the coffee pot to make a full pot of coffee and it's done." she said as she turned off the timer.

"And that means…?" Luke asked.

"That's it's time to show Casanova some love." she grinned.

"See, that's still not helping. You can't name the coffee pot after me because it gets confusing." Luke said.

"So how do you know I was talking about you?" Lorelai said.

"That funny little grin you have on your face. It tells me that coffee is not going to cut it." Luke said with a smile.

"Wow, you're good. So can you tell me _exactly_ what I want?" Lorelai asked.

Luke whispered something in her ear and she smiled.

"Who needs the power of reading minds when we have you?" Lorelai asked.

"Everyone but you." Luke said.

"Shut up and _show_ me what I want." she said. Luke kissed her deeply as she allowed him to drag her up the stairs and to the bedroom.

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So, What do you think?

This is the last story and chapter, so I would appreciate it if you reviewed. Oh, and tell me where the chapter title came from. Thanks to all of my beautiful wonderful fantabulous (Luke-n-LorelaiLuva6292, I saw that, hehe) reviewers and friends and hair ties and music buddies. Thanks, I owe it all to you guys!

Don't be shy to just PM and chat about random stuff! I love Random! Random's my middle name! I worship Random. I eat Random for breakfast. Toodles!


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